Dear Coors Light

You don't know me, but we are old friends. I love your product and believe that I could be a very valuable ass asset to your organization. Consider this a resume of sorts.

Not only would I make a great taste tester for the the highest quality control (my DREAM job), I am a great marketing and ideas person. If we could develop a cross-over type of position, I actually come up with my best ideas hiccup after I have had a few of your refreshing beverages (need proof, just read the archives).

Now in all my years of enjoying hops and barley, I have noticed a trend. The most faithful Coors Light drinkers I have known have all been women. This is a group that you neglect to market to. I think you are missing out on a large market share of this valuable demographic (all mommies drink when no one is looking).

Instead of being the 'everyman's beer" you should market yourself as the "every Mommies beer". Some great ways to market your product to mommies would be 6oz pony bottles. All of us Mom's know that we can never enjoy an entire 12 oz. bottle without being interrupted and returning to a warm 1/2 empty beer. I am aware that you sell pony cans, but you only sell them by the 6 pack, and they are more expensive. We lushy classy mom types like bottles better anyway. If you sold pony bottles by the case and sold it for 1/2 the price of a regular case or at the same price with 48 ponies per case, you could win over the Mommy market.

There are countless benefits to us moms with the smaller bottle. It's easier to hide behind the toaster at 7 a.m. when the kids get up and you don't want them to bust you taking a little nip before breakfast. They are easier to stash in your purse for life's little emergencies like having to watch soccer practice. The list and possibilities go on and on.

I love the Blue Mountain technology that is used on your bottles, but you could stand to adjust the twist off cap. The deeper the blue, the harder to open the bottle becomes. We chickies have soft and delicate hands that we don't want to get calloused. It looks bad to the neighbors when you have the kids "help mom out a little". So I would make a mommy friendly blue mountain experience.

I would also like to propose that you add a complimentary pack of tic-tacs in each case. This way we can freshen our breath before we head into that parent /teacher conference about the food fight in the lunch room or going into the pediatrician's office to have the cocoa puff removed from a nasal cavity.

A great promotional giveaway idea is an insulated 6 pack cooler that looks like a real purse. It should be complete with a credit card holder and Coach inspired design. This would be great for the church picnic or when chaperoning the school field trip to life museum all about "the science of babies".

In conclusion, I reiterate that I would be a valuable asset to the Coors Light family. If these ideas knock your socks off, like they do mine, Email Me. Salary is negotiable and so is the possibility of Blog Sponsorship. We could call this "Coors Light's World of Weasels".
It world be like a sports arena, but different.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

WeaselMomma

P.S. Don't forget to email Elisa @ elisa@blogher.com to nominate me to speak at BlogHer '09 and tell her why.
UPDATE : The Unmarried Housewife has taken this very seriously and ran with it! Go check it out for a laugh.