Monday, November 29, 2010

An Answer To My Prayers

To: God The Almighty Father
cc: St. Peter in Heaven
Re: Answering My Prayers
From: WeaselMomma

Dearest Heavenly Father,
      In this time of faith, hope and gratitude, I would once again like to thank you for all the years we have worked together and the relationship that we have built that has been the cornerstone of the success of Weaselville. 

     However, without diminishing my ongoing gratitude, there have been a few points of miscommunication between myself and your staff that I would like to rectify for our future dealings, so as not to become points of contention in our relationship in the coming years.

  1.  When I prayed for a husband that would always be able to provide for me, dirty looks, dirty laundry and dirty dishes were not on the list of provisions that I had in mind.  The dirty mind, however, was an unanticipated bonus.
  2.  When I prayed that my home would always have an abundance of humor, I did not necessarily intend for it to be at my expense.  Case in point, I offered Eldest Weasel some useful coupons to consider using when shopping for a gift for me and she replied, "where to? Lane Bryant".  In all reality, this was actually hysterical, but This was not the laughter that I had expected.
  3. When I prayed for children that would grow to be independent, but not so independent that they wouldn't need me, I did not intend that they only need me as their personal ATM, personal shopper, housekeeper and personal valet.
  4. When I prayed for children that would bring me so much joy that the choirs of Angels in Heaven would sing, I never imagined that those choirs of Angels would be singing the Beer Barrel Polka  and laughing themselves silly with the refrain of "That naive lady only asked for healthy, so we threw in feisty for good measure". 
  5. When I prayed that you grant me the Grace of patience to endure family life and struggles, testing your handiwork with challenges that could snap the disposition of a Saint was a little overboard.  In the future, I think it would be best if I learned to crawl before I have to walk.
Once again, I have full gratitude for the relationship that you and I have continued over the years and am grateful for all that you have provided Weaselville.   In the future, I will consider my words more carefully for the purpose of complete clarification and thus diminish the possibility of miscommunication between us during prayer.  However, if the misinterpretations continue in this fashion, I will have to correspond my prayers in written form to you, after having my attorney gloss over them to ensure no further loopholes are to be exploited.

Yours in Christ,

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Monday, November 15, 2010

No Thanks, I'll Drive.

Next month I am getting away for a few days to spend some time with one of my BFFs who lives a couple of states away. Yay, Me! The getaway is her birthday gift to me and she has offered to fly me to out for a visit in celebration of the biggest holiday of the year.  How cool is that?  I say very.

However, the more I think about it, the more I don't want to fly.  Mind you, I am not afraid of air travel, nor have I ever had any anxiety about boarding a plane,  until now.  It's not mechanical failure or security threats that have me anxious and unwanting to fly, it's the TSA and airport screening procedures.

The implementation of full body scanners does more than give me the hebejebees, it invades my privacy to a unacceptable degree.  Sure, I can opt out of that scan, but that means subjecting myself against my will to an 'enhanced pat down' that is a little too close to molestation for my comfort in it's aggressiveness.

The body scanner reveals nude black and white pictures of the subject in such detail that you can determine an individuals personal grooming preferences.  Plain and simple, that's nothing short of pornography and you're not even paying the subjects.  If I wanted you to see me naked, I'd be naked.  No thanks.  I don't care if it's one person viewing the images or a bachelor party.  I deserve my privacy and the scanner goes too far.  Of course procedures and protocols are in place to ensure that your image doesn't show up on the internet or the local bar, but you can go ask Domino's Pizza and Burger King about procedures being broken.

If you opt out of nude photos of yourself being taken and analyzed, you get fondled for free!  The 'enhanced pat down' involves someone groping and grabbing at your genitals and breasts.  That's a little too intimate for someone who hasn't even bought me dinner.  If you did this to someone on the street or in a bar, you would be in jail facing sexual assault charges and getting labeled as a sex offender for the rest of your life.

Neither of these options allow me to maintain any semblance of privacy or dignity. It's too much. I certainly would not want to subject my children to being searched in this overly invasive way.  If these procedures happened at school, the cops would be called.

Yes, I understand air safety and the threat of terrorism, but not at the cost of such a personal and intimate invasion of my body is plain and simple not worth the perceived benefit.  Nor is the convenience of flying worth the loss of my dignity or a personal assault on my body.

There are better and less invasive ways of identifying possible security threats in our skies.  Save the scans and or the uber intimate pat down for individuals that send up red flags behaviorally or give some other cause for a more invasive search to be necessary.  I'm already taking off my shoes and belt,  emptying my pockets and submitting to a metal detector.  

I let my BFF know, that yes indeed, I will be coming to visit.  However, I will be driving.

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Thursday, November 11, 2010

Reverse Karma

kar·ma[kahr-muh]the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.  ~

Life in Weaselville isn't all that much different than life in any other home it's just faster paced, harder hitting and more chaotic, except things here will always be a strange twist on the reality of the way things work in a normal home.

Like many of you, we have tightened the belts, cut out unnecessary spending and given up a few luxuries that we had become accustomed too.

One of life's little pleasures that I have given up is my manicure/pedicure pampering sessions and I do miss them dearly.  I have to keep reminding myself that they are a want and not a need.  Anyway, the other morning my phone rang.  It was a dear friend of mine who invited me to go get our mani/pedi's together this weekend - her treat!  I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so I immediately started doing my happy dance accepted without so much as a polite 'oh I can't let you do that'.

Not too long after that, I left Weaselville to go check in on another dear friend, Patsy, who happens to be the mother of 1st dear friend to sneak in a game of cards and see if she could use a helping hand. Boy was she glad I did.

Patsy's health and mobility are limited  but her card playing skills are shark like and I let myself into her home to find her faithful companion Lady's health wasn't too great either that morning.  Poor Lady* had some major digestive problems happen all over the house  and I do mean all over.  The mess had Patsy confined upstairs, as she was unable to navigate around the landmines nor get down to clean any of it up and let Lady outside.

Now you must understand that I have a gag reflex that is unparalleled in it's ferocity am not good with cleaning up after pets, but alas looking around the room I found myself to be holding the sh*tty end of the stick the best and most qualified person for the job.  I grabbed the paper towels and a bag to get straight to work on the monumental task in front of me.  Or tried to at least.

Every time I got close to a toxic contaminated liquid landmine, ye old gag reflex was faithfully at my side.  Poor Patsy had to listen to the awful sounds that were emanating from the living room to accompany the aroma of sick dog that permeated her home.

I took me a while, and 3 or 4 trips sprinting to the bathroom to avoid making the clean up job any bigger than it had begun but the mess eventually was gone and the carpets one again were clean and disinfected.  Patsy was grateful and I was glad to have been there to help when she needed me.

What's my point?  Life in Weaselville will always march to a different beat.  The laws of Karma may be at work, but here they will always work in reverse.

When something good happens to be, I should remember to look up because the other shoe is about to drop.

*Later that day I took Lady to the vet and she is doing much better now.

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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Happy Birthday, USMC!

Today is the 235th birthday of the United States Marine Corp, and by proxy - my father.

Dear old Dad left this earth twelve years ago, but he has never left my heart.  He left behind a wonderful legacy of children and grandchildren, but most importantly  he left behind his wisdom and knowledge for me to benefit from.

Dad was always the one I turned to when I had a problem or dilemma.  He was a great sounding board and always left you with food for thought from an angle that you hadn't considered.  He had a talent for simplifying what at first seemed to be the most complicated issues.  He was my pillar and my guide.

When we found out that Dad was dying and his time left on this earth would be very short, we were all upset.  It was odd to speak to someone about there own imminent death and get their input.  To grieve with the soon to be deceased was a gift that I will never forget.

I said to Dad, "I don't know how to live without you.  You are my pillar, you are my support, my shelter in a storm and that steady constant in my life.  Even though I am grown, it always comforts me to know that you are there".

Dad replied to me, "No.  You haven't needed me in years.  You have Mr. W.  he is your support, pillar and best friend.  He is the one you have depended on for years.  He is your comfort and your partner in life, just as it should be.  You will miss me, but you replaced me with your husband long ago."*

This gave me comfort and put everything into perspective.  He was right and only then did I realize that I was the last person to recognize that this morph had happened years prior.  Dad was still an important part in my life and I loved him, but he hadn't been the shelter that I would run to in an eon.

So yes, I miss Dad and think of him often, but I have survived and thrived just fine for more than a decade without him.  Most of all, I just want to wish him a Happy Birthday, on this his 2nd birthday of the year.

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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Please Tell Me That You Didn't Sell The Farm

I'm a city girl that married a country boy.  We compromised and live in the suburbs.  Needless to say, the culture differences between our two families are vast.

A few weeks ago, my farm living parents in law called to let us know that they were driving out for a visit - the next day!

This wasn't much notice, but that wasn't too big of a deal.  I rushed around the house in an attempt to get ready for guests and kicked Eldest Weasel out of her bedroom after having her clean it and bring me her sheets to be washed readied the guest room.

Most everything was ready and I was busy in the kitchen when the door bell rang, alerting us that our company had arrived.  Mr. Weasel answered the door to greet his parents, but instead of the expected sounds of a reunion, I heard silence followed by, "WHAT THE HECK HAVE YOU DONE?????".

This could not be good.  I rushed to the front door to find out what all of the hub-ub was about.  What I saw was reminiscent of this;

After picking my jaw up off the ground, I hugged my in-laws hello and pleaded with them to, "Please, tell me that you didn't sell the farm". 

No, they did not sell the farm Thank God, but opted to buy the RV so that they no longer need to board the dogs when they travel to visit us.  Yup, you read that right.  Cousin Eddie's RV came complete with two full size German Shepherds that are used to roaming 25 acres at will.

Once Mr. Weasel regained his composure, we went to take a brief tour of this home on wheels that was parked outside my front door.  His only comment to his parents was that he didn't want to hear this;

Yuppers, my life is one big Christmas Vacation!

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Friday, November 5, 2010

He Loves Me, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah....

Many of you already know that Mr. Weasel and I have been married for a fairly long time and can surmise that we have a little something special going on to have six kids together yes, that must be going on too and still happen to seriously dig each other.

What you may not know is that Mr. Weasel and I are not romantics in the traditional style.  It's not that we don't enjoy romantic gestures, it's more that I am much more practical and show affection through simple actions such as pointing and laughing playful banter and Mr. Weasel marches to the beat of the hamster wheel rattling around in between his ears a different drummer.

Why am I telling you this?  I am telling you this so that I may share with you something that struck me as fantastically funny and gave me the opportunity to point and laugh while making me fall head over heels for the Mr., yet again after all these years.

A few weeks back, Mr. W. and I headed out of the house for a special night out together, complete with dinner and dress shopping for him shut up. It was for his   Halloween costume.  As a mood setter, my sweetheart set his MP3 player to his play list of "romantic, love songs that always make me smile and think of you",  Commence with the Awwwwwwww-ing. simply titled "Twitterpated"  You know, like in Bambi.

I smiled as his sweetness and melted when the first song in his list was one of my all time favorites, L-O-V-E.

Soon though, my expression changed to quizzical when the next song began. 

and I quote; "I ask your mother if you were at home
She said yeah but you weren't alone

Oh sometimes I think that you're avoiding me"

Soon quizzical turned to morbid with Queen.

"When I’m gone
Don’t stop to wonder if I ever think of you
The same moon shines
The same wind blows
For both of us, and time is but a paper moon. . . be not gone"

This is the point when I started cracking up.  This goes on his list of love songs?  Exactly what did he have planned for this evening, anyway?

I was then relieved to come back into the realm of 'normal' with another personal favorite, even if in a less traditional version by Steve Tyrell.

A few more songs and I was back to quizzical with Michael Buble` and Down With Love. ??????????

In the midst of my laughter that surrounded the incongruity of this romantic play list, I enjoyed my heartiest eruption of the evening when the list ended with something completely perfect and Weaselesque in summing up Weasel Love,

Yes, it's a kick in the head and I wouldn't want it any other way!

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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Tuesday Tidbits (part ?)

In an effort to get my creative juices flowing again I have been mulling over the goings on in Weaselville and thinking about all the angles I could write about.  Alas, I'm finding that I am full of randomness, so I'm just going to run with it and throw some Tuesday Tidbits your way.

~ I have already told you that my old tried and true coffee maker died on me a few weeks back.  Well, I have since replaced it with the updated model of itself.  It's the shiny, metallic red color that I love and looks beautiful in my kitchen.  However, it makes some lousy coffee.  It must be because it is all clean on the inside or something.

~ It's hockey season once again and that makes me happy, but most of the games that I want to see I am unable to watch from my couch.  That's a pain in my neck and in the wallet.  No, I will not sign up for the special sports package.

~ An acquaintance of mine has promised me tickets to the only regular season game this year where the Flyers will face off against the Blackhawks, in January.  This is huge, as these are coveted tickets in this town.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he comes through with this incredibly generous gift.

~ Halloween was a big hit, as usual.  Of course in all the commotion of readying the Weasels, preparing a meal that kids could eat at will, hosting seven stray Weasel friends and handing out candy, I forgot to pull out my camera.

~ Yesterday I received a phone call from school.  Smallest Weasel was in the office and complaining of a headache and stomach ache.  No fever and she did not want to come home.  It was decided that she was simply over tired and suffering from a Halloween Hangover, 6 year old style.  The wonderful ladies in the front office agreed, gave her a placebo and she happily trotted back to class.

~ Report cards came home last Friday.  Can you pass me the Tums?

~ Today is election day and I look forward to getting to the polls.  I also look very forward to an end of all the commercials, phone calls, mailings and wall to wall news coverage of every race in the nation.

That's all for now, folks.  Here's to hoping that I get my creative juices flowing again soon.

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