Last night was the the Weasels school Christmas concert. I always enjoy the Children's voices and watching the reenactment of the Nativity that they work so hard to put on for us, but I hate the thought of rushing through dinner, making sure the kids are dressed in their Christmas Best and the insanity of getting out of the door on time and making sure that Mr. Weasel gets out of work in time.
It all spells chaos squared in Weaselville. As I run around the house trying to ready everyone, there is always someone nipping at me heals with "You need do my hair now!", "I can't find my shoes!", "She's wearing my stockings!" and so forth.
By the time we picked up Mr. Weasel from the train, I was beyond frazzled. Yes, my calm, collected, relaxed demeanor was long gone. I was angry at 1/2 the Weasels for lack of cooperation, I was already tired, tense and irrational. By default, Mr. Weasel could not do anything right either. He hadn't actually done anything wrong, but momma was on a war path and he just happened to be on the road.
By the time the concert/Nativity began I was no better. The children were sweet in their singing and there were angels, sheep, shepherds, Wise Men and every other character from the bible story, except the donkey that carried Mary upon it's back into Bethlehem.
I made complaint about this to Mr, Weasel.
Me: Where's the donkey? They never have the donkey. They should have a donkey!
Mr. Weasel: Would you stop? Just enjoy the play and knock it off. Your doing nothing but nagging about everything tonight.
Me: The bible gives me permission to nag at you.
Mr. Weasel: What? Where?
Me: Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem.
And that my dear readers, should bring clarity to so much of your life.
ZING! You are GOOD!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Now destroy this post. I can't risk this translation of the bible getting out there.
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail right on the head. How funny.
ReplyDeleteI read something about why men are required make the coffee at every household in America, scriptures back it up, HEBREWS, that's why.
@ Terri ~ I try.
ReplyDelete@ Otter ~ I think you should forward this to your wife.
@ Floy ~ I have heard the Hebrews before & I like it.
I told my wife about this, and may very well be sorry I did. Oh, and I've been told about the HEBREWS thing many times as well, which is why I do indeed make the coffee all the time.
ReplyDeleteWell played - and I'll bet the Nativity play was really nice.
I love you, that is all.
ReplyDelete*snort* nice LOL
ReplyDeletePoor Joseph; I guess his butt and his ass were sore after that trip. The bible also talks about where babies come from in 1st and 2nd Fallopians. Wait...
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT!
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, did I ever tell you the story of how, when I was in 6th grade, my teacher selected me for the lead in the holiday play? She thought I'd be the perfect Mary. My mom thought otherwise.
Bahahahahaha! I'm going to be laughing about that all afternoon. :)
ReplyDeleteHa Ha! It's open to many interpretations isn't it?
ReplyDeleteLOL - many times.
ReplyDeleteI forbid you from interpreting any spiritual book that I follow !
Yes and the world was created during a baseball game...
ReplyDelete"In the big inning..."
Truly laughing right now! I may borrow that one (tis the season to be stressed!)
ReplyDeleteDamn that is perfect! I might have to share this with my minister.
ReplyDeleteI can't stop laughing. And I need to share this with my husband. Now.
ReplyDeleteEspecially since we had a Christmas party for the wee ones with Santa at 5pm today, and I was stuck on a conference call until 5:30. My husband had the kids plaing in the basement, not dressed in Christmas finery, no dinner eaten, etc. Mommy was not happy.
Definitely going to have to use that one on my husband.
ReplyDeleteNice... although I now fear your blog may be smote, smiteth, smitten... or something of that nature.
ReplyDeletePerfectly what I needed, (& the Hebrews, too!). Thank you!
ReplyDelete@ Tom ~ The concert was lovely. I was just cranky verging on punchy.
ReplyDelete@ Micro ~ Thank you, that's sweet.
@ Kat ~ Glad you enjoyed.
@ NukeDad ~ As usual, you made me laugh, thanks.
@ Melisa ~ You would of made the perfect Mary in 6th grade! A young, Jewish virgin, you fit the bill completely. What was your mom thinking?
@ Cheerios ~ Glad I could bring you some Christmas joy.
@ James ~ Yes, but I am sure mine is the correct one.
@ de-I ~ I was a theology major in college, I think I'm qualified.
@ Eric ~ Nice one.
@ Seashore ~ Feel free to use at will.
@ Sue ~ I bet he's never heard this version before.
@ Michelle ~ Share, share away.
@ I'm Home ~ please feel free.
@ Scott ~ Never fear, just keep coming back to laugh at my life.
@ Laura ~ Glad I could help you laugh.
Amen.
ReplyDeletetwo things:
ReplyDelete"By default, Mr. Weasel could not do anything right either. He hadn't actually done anything wrong, but momma was on a war path and he just happened to be on the road." (ARE YOU RELATED TO MY WIFE?
nice zinger at the end. embarrassed that i didn't see it coming. well done.
Wow, the clouds just parted and bathed me in the sweet light of understanding.
ReplyDeleteOh, wow. This is the first time I've ever visited your blog and now I'm expecting all the posts to be as funny as this one. Am I setting myself up for heartache and pain, or are you some kind of comedic genius freak?
ReplyDelete@ MrsMouthy ~ I certainly have my moments. I'm glad I could make you laugh and hope I never call you gallstones.
ReplyDeleteOMG-That's hilarious! You two make a perfect couple, heehee.
ReplyDelete