Most people usually break the year up into four seasons, namely Spring, Winter, Summer and Fall (or Autumn, if you like). Some in the great white north will joke about there only being 2 seasons; Winter and Construction.
I however contend that in this part of the country, we experience five, count 'em, five seasons. Consisting of Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter and Mean. What? You have never heard of Mean? Oh, you just never thought of it as a season. Well it is.
Mean is a season within a season. Mean begins in late January, reaches it height of strength by late February and continues while mixing with heavy amounts of frustration through March and usually into April until there is any sign of old man winter actually leaving town and giving way to a little bit of sunlight and warmth that will allow us to be able to leave our homes without consternation.
Mean is caused by months of freezing temperatures, bone chilling wind and constant snow shoveling in those conditions. Factor in cabin fever and being kept in close quarters with others for months on end, with daylight not rearing it's head until after 7am and leaving yet again by 4:30 pm.
*notice I say daylight and not sunlight. There is very limited amounts of sunlight in the winter here. The cloud cover keeps everything a very consistent gray.*
When all these conditions come together they create a season of Mean. This is the season where there is no hope of being given a warning when pulled over for a moving violation, when the bagger at the grocery store is going to pack a 5lb bag of sugar on top of your loaf of bread and make your eggs only worthy of scrambling. During mean, teachers will not be generous with extra credit or grading curves and you should certainly avoid the DMV at all costs.
There is only way out of the season of mean and that is through warmth and sunshine. This is the perfect time to take a vacation, if only pesky things like work, school and money weren't standing in your way.
All of you living below the Mason/Dixon may laugh at or get annoyed by 'snow birds' invading your towns during these months, but keep in mind that they are actually just refugees fleeing the ravages of Mean. They are the lucky ones that have found a way out of the tumultuous conditions that befall the north each and every year and don't forget the rest of us who are unable to escape from the turmoil and misery that is Mean.
If you would like to help with relief services to alleviate the suffering of seven many you can donate to me via the "Get Me The Heck Outta Here Fund" @ weaselmomma@yahoo.com
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