Once upon a time, in a hospital maternity ward not so far away, Mr. Weasel and I sat bedside in the special care nursery with Weasel version 5.0 as she needed a little care and monitoring in those first days of life.
Our baby was the only resident of the nursery and thus we had the place to ourselves, with the exception of the nursing staff that were by default her private staff. The only time other babies came in and out from the nursery were for short little visits involving blood work or foot printing.
Some of the babies that came through were gorgeous little cherubs. MY children wee all born looking like this. Some of them were squishy little newborns that had made their world debut just minutes earlier, but were darling nonetheless. There were babies that were aesthetically challenged, see naked mole rat yet cute and one, only one......the only one I have ever seen with with my own eyes, was down right ugly.
This baby was wheeled into the nursery in a rolling bassinet and parked across the room from where our butts were parked. I, being a lover of babies - especially newborns, had a big awww and sigh as the little guy came into to nursery shrieking as loud as a newborn can. The nurse paid no attention immediately as she finished up 20 seconds of paperwork. I asked the nurse if I might comfort the baby and she stated that was against the rules. She washed her hands and walked over to give the newborn his misplaced pacifier before washing up again and coming to give our little cherub her medical treatment.
Thirty seconds later, this transient nursery mate was pipes a screaming again. This time the nurse was gloves on trying to maneuver with a needle and teeny tiny little baby parts with our daughter. Mr. Weasel, who can't stand to see a newborn go un-comforted either asked if he may give the the little fella his pacifier back, being that the nurse had her hands already full. She looked around and gave the okay, as long as Mr. W washed his hands first. Thus, Mr. Weasel did and soon the baby was quiet again.
Within seconds of the little guy getting his comfort plug back and Mr. W. returning to our destined to be a super model baby, the little dude lost it again. Newborns not being known how to hold their latex lollipops of glory on their own for too long. I said "It's my turn" and washed up.
I walked quickly to the bassinet and set eyes on the poor little fella for the first time and instantly emitted from my lungs a screech from deep within my soul and jumped back with a start. Both the Mr. and the nurse spontaneously laughed with the knowledge of what had caught me so off guard and caused this extreme reflex.
This was the ugliest child ever born. RoseMary's baby would have been like, "Wow, is that kid ugly!". I swear the kids nose was the same size and shape of Jimmy Durante's as an adult. The rest of his face was gremlinesque and just to top it off, his parents had accessorized him in over sized booties and a matching cone shaped elf hat. Thus completing the look that this baby was some kind of evil gnome that you would only place in the garden bed of Beelzebub.
I tended the poor little guy while I explored the thought of what a rough life he had in front of him and returned to my baby with the nurse and Mr. Weasel still in stitches. "Yeah, we had been thinking the same thing", they managed to squeak out between chuckles.
I then had a morbid curiosity of what the parents must look like. The nurse laughed a knowing laugh, but made no further comment. I speculate that they may have been a gargoyle and a three horned goat.
Well, that's my one and only ugly baby sighting. I wish that kid the best in life and hope that he had just been having a long and hard first day in his life, but I really doubt it. For this was a face only a Mother could love.
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