Okay, so we have all heard stories or watched cliched movie scenes or lived the sad reality of men and women over imbibing on distilled goodness and then waking up the next morning next to someone who is coyote ugly. Someone, who only a few hours before they would have sworn was somewhere between an 8 and a 10. This phenomena is often referred to as wearing beer goggles.
I have chosen to stand up before you today and defend the good name of beer and all of it's fermented relations of joyous libation.
Alcohol may indeed lower inhibitions, slow reflexes and have a negative effect on fine and gross motor skills alike, but it does not make someone grow less attractive as your blood alcohol level returns to normal levels.
Lunar Cycles Are The Real Culprit!
Hear me out here. The moon has control of the tides, werewolves, expectant mothers, emergency rooms and mental health facilities. Well, it makes people ugly too!
I witness this happen in my own home every night and I'm willing to bet that it happens in your home too.
Each and every evening in Weaselville, I kiss a dapper, distinguished, silver haired Prince Charming goodnight. He's so good looking that even the Russian judge gives him an 8.75.
Then, through the course of the evening the moonlight starts the transformation. Not unlike what we all witnessed happen to Dr. David Banner once a week.
It causes glands of the body to go into hyperactivity; growing hair and releasing toxic oils and saline-like secretions to ooze from Prince Charming in a manner reminiscent of an iguana.
The gravitational pull of the lunar cycle strangles the bodily organs encased in the torso with such ferocity that odorous green gasses are forced out of his abdomen with hurricane force wind. Simultaneously, equal force pushes through his diaphragm and airway like a tidal wave of constantly cresting and crashing storm surge.
After surviving the overnight hours of lunar torment, the transformation is complete and instead of the Prince that I kissed goodnight, I wake up to what looks grunts and smells like cro-magnon man. After all, the poor guy has just been through the ringer!
And no, I don't wake up in the morning looking like sleeping beauty either. It's much more like Brunhilda. After all, the stress of knowing the torment that my Prince has suffered all night will wear and tear on a girl.
In conclusion, there is a decent chance that the 4 1/2 that you woke up next to this morning, was indeed a 9 last night.
Just remember, don't blame the beer.
~Now if this made you laugh, I'm going to ask you to CLICK RIGHT HERE and vote for me in the GM Driving The Midwest Photo challenge. (It's easy one click voting at the bottom of the page. NO REGISTRATION!)
Posts
