Sunday, December 28, 2008

Get Those Reindeer Off My Lawn!

While surfing around this wonderful invention of the internet(thanks Al!), I have come across posts referring to the aftermath that Santa leaves in his wake. It always looks like a Tornado has run through the living room and the cleanup is something FEMA will not even attempt to help with.

My Dad, in particular, hated when things were that messy. It unnerved him to no end. He loved Santa and the two of them were very close. I never understood this until much later in life (about 12). It took me that long to get it because every year on Christmas Eve as we were getting ready to climb the stairs and await our sugar plum dreams, Dad would get his rifle out of it's safe keeping and say "there is no way I am letting that guy leave his mess in my house this year". Little did we know that it was a BB gun he was wielding as he would threaten to shoot Santa if he even tried to come down our chimney. We would beg him not to hurt Santa., as he double checked that all the doors and windows were locked.

Mom would lead us up the stairs. Tears streaming down our faces while reassuring us that she would unlock the door without Dad seeing. Intermittently as we tried to fall asleep, we would hear Dad yell, "he better not try to get in this time! I'm ready for him this year!"

Eventually, we would fall asleep. And every year without fail, Santa was able to foil Dad and get in to leave his mess anyway. And every Christmas morning Dad would chagrin about how Santa got past him.

As cruel as this may seem, the older we got the more we appreciated it. Once we realized the irony of Dad's behavior, we too had to laugh. It is now one of my favorite memories of Christmas from childhood.

Now if you are still wondering where I developed such a twisted sense of humor, this blog is not for you. My family tree has lots of branches, but they are all twisted and gnarled.

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Weaselmomma said...

Comment by OhCaptain
It’s great that your dad was so willing to show his shortcomings. He taught you that there are powers even greater then your him. I can understand the hatred of things messy. The disaster that is Christmas morning drives me nuts!

Comment by Weasel Momma
He had so much fun with this little schtick, and was the 1st guy to admit that he was not omnipotent.

Comment by terri
This explains so much! LOL!

Comment by Weasel Momma
Yeah, it shouldn’t take a professional to figure me out.

Comment by Tom
Now, that’s the kind of dad I’d love to be! I aspire to such cleverness.

Comment by de-I
I think I totally relate to your Dad - congratulations on the personal domain by the way.

Comment by Weasel Momma @ Tom
It’s not too late to warp Michael’s mind. He’s still young and fragile.

Comment by Weasel Momma @ De-I
How much did you have put away in a therapy savings account for the kids?

Comment by Michelle
Oh wow, that makes me laugh. I don’t know that I’d let my husband do that but ummmm how funny as an adult ;) Glad you learned to appreciate it!

Comment by Weasel Momma
Mom was not onboard and begged him not to every year. I’m kind of glad he didn’t give in.

Comment by Chuck
That may be the most bizarre Santa/Dad story I’ve ever read. It pretty much fills n the blanks though. :)

Comment by Niecey
Don’t shoot Santa Claus or I will yell at you WeaselGrandpa!

(Niecey may have taken this post a little too seriously, 5 year olds!)

Comment by Half-Past Kissin' Time
That’s hilarious! But remind me never to invite your dad over to my house; he’d have a heart attack!

Comment by Weasel Momma
Our house was normally pretty messy anyway, it just made Dad nuts constantly. But no danger of Dad showing up on your doorstep, he’s been on the wrong side of the grass for 10 years. P.S., I am working on my stupid human trick.

Comment by Weasel Momma @ Micro
I can’t beleive you read this to Niecey!!!!!!lol! That’s more sadistic than the story itself, rofl. Santa is in no danger here. I promise never ever to shoot him.

Comment by Weasel Momma @ chuck
It’s not to hard to put this puzzle together!

Comment by Momo Fali
I am SO doing this next year.

Comment by Weasel Momma
It’s so nice to know that the circle of twisting kids minds will continue!

Comment by Debbie Davis
Dads are the best!! (: Congrats on the website! It looks great!!

The Microblogologist said...

Niecey: good (in response to your promise not to shoot Santa).

Me: She did not give me much choice, she likes to check out your blog and either reads it herself or "makes" me read it to her when I am here.

(she loves ending her stuff on that note now, silly Niecey-poo)

Heidi Ashworth said...

What a sense of humor! love it!

Anonymous said...

AWESOME!!!! HAHAHAHAHA That is now my favorite childhood memory! ;)

Mama Smurf said...

That is by far the BEST Christmas memory story I've ever heard. What a fun dad!

Unmarried Housewife said...

I shall laugh at this no matter how old the post is. Ha ha ha gotta love a parent with as twisted a humor as mine. It really makes for charming memories.

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