Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I Hate Teachers!

Now before you all go getting your bloomers in a tizzy, hear me out.  I appreciate teachers and the difficult job that they do.  Heck, some of my best friends are teachers, but when it comes to back to school supply lists I have a hatred that burns from deep within my soul and it's because teachers are riding their beginning of the school year power ponies.

For the benefit of those of you sitting in the back of class doodling on your World of Weasels notebooks right now;  the smart kids have already figured this part out, Yes, I have just returned from school supply shopping.  Three hours, $192.00 and an eye twitch later I am only finished with 3/4 of my lists.

"Gee WeaselMomma, that sounds extreme!", I can hear you saying now.  Yes, it is extreme because the lists are so outrageously specific that it's a scavenger hunt to find what is required, at best.  At worst, it's a wild goose chase. 

This Weasel needs 2 boxes of 24 CRAYOLA - NON-WASHABLE crayons, that Weasel must have 1 box of 24 CRAYOLA - WASHABLE crayons!  Well, guess what?  Roseart was on sale and when I have to buy 15 boxes of crayons in total, I'm buying whatever brand is the best deal.  I'm also not about to go cross-eyed determining the specifics of the washability standard of any crayon.

And what's up with all the glue sticks?  10 glue sticks (+ 2 bottles) of ELMERS for 1 st grade?  8 sticks for 5th grade?  My kids can't even eat that much glue in one year, let alone use it all.  If the teacher is looking to self medicate through the school day by sniffing glue, she's got the wrong kind.  Once again, I'm going with whatever brand is the cheapest.  This junk adds up.

One ruler (inches and centimeters) as opposed to what?   Now, I know that the teachers are just mocking me. Then they often go on to specify wood or plastic.  Seriously people?

Scissors are always a fun hunt.  Fiskars 7", blunt tip for this grade, pointed tip for that grade.  I swear that the pointed tip ones are no pointier than a butter knife anyway.  Damn good thing I already have that inches and centimeters ruler in my cart.  Hey, check this out, store brand 2 pack of scissors complete with poke your own eye out feature for 79¢!  Guess what went in my cart?

5th graders need to have a compass, but can only have blunt tipped scissors.  Someone needs to learn how to do the math here and it's not me.

6 spiral notebooks & 6, 3-hole solid color, 2 pocket folders (each in purple, blue, red, orange, yellow and green).  Can't you just say 6 spiral notebooks in assorted colors with matching folders?  I am not about to traipse all over the city to find the elusive purple and BTW, there are no such thing as solid color 3-hole, 2 pocket folders.  Where do these teachers shop, fairyland?  These things must be right down the aisle from unicorns.  I bought a truckload of the 15¢ variety to satisfy the folder need through the course of the year.

The store was all out pink erasers and pencil cap erasers, but the 10 dozen pencils I had to buy and must sharpen and hand to children who may not have pointy scissors luckily come equipped with an eraser from the start! Whouda thunk it?

I swear that teachers do this to entertain themselves at the end of the summer.  They grab a pitcher of umbrella drinks, set up a lawn chair in aisle 3 and have fun watching parents walk the aisles of back to school shopping mart in zombie, twitchy, mouth breather mode, while they laugh to themselves much like I do when I send the Weasels in search of the candy that I 'misplaced' somewhere in the house, just so that I can get a few minutes of peace.

Yes, I understand that individual teachers like to organize their class in their own special way, but as a mother I have to organize my family in the most cost effective, time efficient and practical way and no, our school doesn't offer that nifty little school supply pack.

Now I have never had a teacher ever say one word to me about my substitutions of their supply list, but then again, maybe they already know that I am liable to blow at any given time.  The problem comes when the Weasels cry and fret that they don't have the right supplies and believe that they will get in trouble at school because of it.  I have to do the best I can to stick to the list without reaching poverty or loss of sanity.

Now if you'll excuse me, I still have to go find post it notes in yellow, green, orange and blue.

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