Thanks, Kid

Unlike all of you beautiful people, I don't always take the time to primp and prepare to look my best. On busy days with no social appointments on the agenda, I don't bother with hair or make-up. Undergarments are sometimes as close as I come accessorizing. Jeans, t-shirts and ball caps are my 'mommy uniform' for getting things done.

I have been known to occasionally drop off the Weasels for school while still wearing my pajamas. The Weasels don't care as long I sit really low in the seat and under absolutely no circumstances including a car fire am I too exit the vehicle. C'est la vie. When I'm busy, I'm busy.

So the other day, still exhausted and playing catch-up after my trip to Galena, I was rocking a bad hair day the ball cap and no make up the natural beauty look of my mommyhood as Middle Weasel approached me. She had her shoes on the wrong feet, one sock up and one sock down, a headband that completely clashed with her skirt and half of the shirt un-tucked.

MW: "Hey Mom, can I borrow your hat?"

Me: "What for? Why do you want it?"

MW: "I'm just trying to see how stupid I can look!"

Me: "Thanks, kid".

You never see this kind of thing in a Hallmark ad.

My Dog Is Book Smart

It's just a crying shame that she can't read.

Since coming to reside in Weaselville last September, Matilda The Hun has been a wonderful and much appreciated addition to our home. She is sweet, loving, devoted and has proven to be easily trainable.

She breezed through Puppy Kindergarten and quickly learned the basic commands that she would need to make a smooth transition to her new home.

There have always been some things that just seem to confound her though. For instance, unlike most dogs, Matilda will not cry at the door when she needs to go outside to take care of business. So, we made accommodations by teaching her to ring a bell instead. All good.

Weighing in somewhere around 100lbs and growing, Matilda fails to understand why the cats have shunned her attempts to play with them. We taught her 'leave it' and she does, giving the cats a chance to shoot up the stairs and take cover under the safety of a bed. All Good.

Matilda has figured out how to nudge my laptop out of the way when she would prefer to rest her head in it's place.

Her latest conundrum though, is hysterical to watch. That is until she wakes me up with her crying at 2 am because she has managed to find herself trapped in a room, with an open door! Really, I am not pulling your leg.

Doors, even when up to open 1/2 way, have proven to be a nemesis that always gets the best of her. It doesn't matter what side of the door she is on or whether she would have to use her nose to pull the door open wider or simply nudge the door forward to gain entrance or exit. Matilda will stand there and whine for someone to help her, much like a toddler who can not reach their sippy cup.

This is dog that is tall enough to snatch up food from the kitchen table while still planted firmly on the floor with all 4 paws. This is a friendly, easy going pup that gives people the sudden urge to cross the street rather than cross her path, just from sheer size. This is dog that knows her way to her best buddy St. Bernard's house and how to knock on the door to gain entrance for a play date in the yard and yet couldn't find her way out of a wet paper bag if there is a door involved unless it is completely unobstructed.

She fits in perfectly in Weaselville.

Cheapwads Chafe My...........

I have had it up to my chapped hands with green bathrooms. Ever since Al Gore nazified our toilets back in the 90's, before he discovered the internet and invented global warming, the corporate fashion of having green bathrooms has become so en vogue that it has completely run amok.

Now, I am all for waste not, want not, but what we have here is corporations waving the flag of environmental friendliness as a guise to actually just be cheapwads.

Case in point, the bathroom facilities at your local members only warehouse shopping mart.

Here you will find things so green, that they need not paint the walls to give you a sense of environmental tranquility, that is, until you try to use them.

First of all, the heat is kept at an energy saving 66 degrees. This saves them money right away in a two-fold fashion, A. They have lower heating costs and 2. Half the time I turn around and decide to just hold it rather than risk frost bite and icicle formations where I would rather not have them, thus saving on all water and paper usage while visiting.

Now if you are brave enough or desperate enough to use the facilities, you will enter the stall to find a funky looking commode complete with flushing instructions. Lift the handle upward to dispose of liquid waste or push downward to dispose of solid waste. What if you had hot wings for lunch or Mexican was last night's dinner? Do you have to hit a call button to get a judge's decision?

Either way, you soon reach for bathroom tissue and find yourself stuck with recycled John Wayne style toilet paper. You know, it's rough, it's tough and it takes no...yada, yada, yada. That stuff is so thin that you need to use half a roll and still wish you you wearing disposable gloves while using it.

* Side Note: Toilet paper should never be recycled.*

Now if you have figured out in which direction you should flush, you get to move onto hand washing supply rationing. The automatic faucets that I swear are operated by someone behind the mirror laughing their butt off as they watch you try to wash, lather and rinse you hands in a trickle of tepid water that they keep shutting off as you attempt to use it. I know they are there and I hate them.

If you are lucky enough to rinse off the soap enough to be ready for drying and have resisted the urge thus far to go completely postal in a public restroom, you have one of 3 options available. 1. The automatic paper towel dispenser that rations small sheets of recycled toilet paper that rip the flesh from your hands without actually removing any of the moisture and make you wait stupid amounts of time waving in front of them in hopes of 'Please Sir, may I have some more', before giving up and wiping your hands on your jeans, leaving them cold, damp and prone to becoming chapped, b. The automatic blower hand dryer that has been around for ages, takes forever and still shuts off before your hands are dry, leaving you to finish by wiping them on your jeans or spending 20 more minutes in the restroom under the dryer with an angry, cold, chapping mob lining up behind you, or 3. The Super Mega hand drier 5000 that threatens to blow the flesh right off of your bones with a jet engine that pierces your ears with 300 decibels and sends small children running and screaming in fear out of the bathroom and you have to chase behind them with cold, wet chapping hands because they are your children.

None of this is friendly to the user. Washing your hands in cold water is not green, it's cheap. Warm to hot water and soap actually kills germs comfortably for the washee. As opposed to dragging your germ filled hands around the rest of the store but it does bring you back into the store a few days later to fill your antibiotic prescription. The lack of decent hand drying options gets you to buy industrial amounts of hand lotion while you are in the store when your hands begin to crack and bleed and the most effective money saving cheap-o-matic device is making the entire restroom experience so awful that you opt out of using them all together in favor of a bladder infection.

25 Things You Didn't Want To Know

Today I treat you to meme that PJ Mullen of Real Men Drive Mini-Vans tagged me with a week ago and I am finally getting around to responding to. (PJ, you should be honored that I didn't blow this off, like I have done so many times in the past). Have fun with this and check back with me on Friday for an incredibly excellent post, if I do say so myself. So here are 25 tidbits to help you get to know WeaselMomma a little better.

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. Dick Van Dyke.

2. Where was your first kiss? Sad to admit, but I don't remember. Must not have been that memorable or even more likely is that the past 17 years of kisses have over shadowed it with their awesomeness.

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? Unfortunately, yes. As a mean spirited prank in college, that I am ashamed of and truly remorseful for, I added bleach to the fish tank that housed a hall mates Beta fish. I believe that to be my worst moment as a human being.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Yes. As a teen I beat the crap out of my older and bigger brother. He had it coming for a long time.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? No. When I sing, the baby Jesus cries.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? That they are my preferred sex.

7. What really turns you off? Infidelity and when anyone opens their mouths and reveals themselves as a complete moron.

8. What do you order at Starbucks? Completely depends on my mood.

9. What is your biggest mistake? Yeah, like I'm going to own up to that on the internet.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? No

11. Say something totally random about yourself. I love unexpected gifts.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? In High School I was told that I look like Demi Moore (Ghost years & had more to do with my haircut)

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? Phineas & Ferb all the way and I have to admit, I dig iCarly too.

14. Did you have braces? Nope.

15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yup.

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Borrowed a car, drove 1 1/2 hrs in the middle of the night to come see me because I had a bad day, and drove back in time for work the next morning.

17. When do you know it’s love? It's in his kiss.

18. Do you speak any other languages? Nada. Just a few cursory words and phrases.

19. Have you ever been to tanning salon? Never.

20. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Yes, weddings, airports and 1 birthday party.

21. What’s something that really annoys you? When my kids don't follow simple instructions.

22. What’s something you really like? Friends

23. Can you dance? I have two white feet.

24. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? No.

25. Tag 5 people! I'll tag Dear Mr. Man, Liz @ This Full House, Terry @ Oh For Pete's Sake, Kim @ Beautiful Wreck and NukeDad, just because I want to taunt him about his lack of posting.