Social Promotion In Blogging

The school system has been working within the concept of social promotion for quiet some time. Self esteem is so very much an important factor in life that you would never want to do or say anything that could make someone feel as if they are less than the best. It might hurt their feelings to know that there are people are out there who may be stronger, faster or smarter than they are. We wouldn't what that.

We make sure to give out participant certificates just for showing up to any given contest. After all, 90% of success in life is just showing up. We don't keep score in t-ball and we dare not ever hold back a failing student. They will excel at a faster rate if we allow them to finger paint their way to the 5th grade, before we expect any crayon work from them. The powers that be have even finally come around to understand that students should be given partial credit on standard testing for wrong answers and/or a lack of answer - it shows the student is at least thinking about the question.

I think that we should adopt these same principles into blogging.

Using myself as an example of proper implementation of this concept, I'll explain to you what I mean.

I write mostly garbage, hence your current reading pleasure, a modest little blog, you may have heard of it (Hint:you're on it right now.) but I showed up and wrote something today. I should get an award and 207 extra comments today out of the deal. You wouldn't want my feelings to get hurt.

I have been writing this blog for almost 2 years now. That alone should be enough for google to boost my ranking all the way to 7th grade. I could get discouraged after 2 years without enough outside promotion.

Companies should want to advertise with me and give me money, even though my audience is not large enough to pass the cost/benefit analysis test, because I am here and I am established as a mediocre blogger. They should want to cheer me on for trying my best.

I play nice with others in the sandbox that is Twitter follow me @WeaselMomma and for that you should be compelled to award me with constant link love and re-tweets to my blog posts, even if you think my writing is, well, meh. After all, I offered to share my sand covered lollipop.

I haven't earned should be granted 300 more followers and subscribers today on World of Weasels, just click the widget thingy in the right sidebar before you leave, because if you have the read this far along into this nonsense excuse for a post, you're diggin' it, you want to come back for more and just think how soon it will promote me up to being trusted to use safety scissors and we all know that safety scissors will boost my self esteem.

Now excuse me while I go dine on some fantabulous paste!

Weekends in Weaselville

Mr. Weasel's crazy and hectic schedule is starting to affect his brain function. This past weekend he had an epiphany - walking across the street for a haircut every few weeks was too taxing of his time and that I should take the clippers to his head myself.

I protested with small and inconsequential details such as, I don't know how to cut hair. I may as well been trying to explain to a cranky toddler why fudgesicles aren't a good breakfast choice.

In total loss of his mental faculties, Mr. Weasel threatened that if I wouldn't do it, he was going to do the job himself. I gave in, much like a would do in the toddler/fudgesicle scenario.

Mr. Weasel removed his shirt and took a seat on a kitchen chair. I plugged in the clippers and went straight to work shaking my head the entire time. About half way through this ridiculous lapse in judgment, there were enough large clumps of hair on the floor to build 3 or 4 bionic gray squirrels.

Monkey Weasel (10) entered the kitchen and stood staring slack jawed at the improbable scene before her eyes, "Dad, is Mom shaving your head or your back?!!!!!!". Complete with outrageous and well timed amounts of laughter from 5 innocent Weasel bystanders.

Mr. W's response was a simple and succinct, "Shut up", followed up with, "BTW, WM, I need you to wax my back today too".

Yeppers, this is what life is like on weekends in Weaselville.

Thanks, Kid

Unlike all of you beautiful people, I don't always take the time to primp and prepare to look my best. On busy days with no social appointments on the agenda, I don't bother with hair or make-up. Undergarments are sometimes as close as I come accessorizing. Jeans, t-shirts and ball caps are my 'mommy uniform' for getting things done.

I have been known to occasionally drop off the Weasels for school while still wearing my pajamas. The Weasels don't care as long I sit really low in the seat and under absolutely no circumstances including a car fire am I too exit the vehicle. C'est la vie. When I'm busy, I'm busy.

So the other day, still exhausted and playing catch-up after my trip to Galena, I was rocking a bad hair day the ball cap and no make up the natural beauty look of my mommyhood as Middle Weasel approached me. She had her shoes on the wrong feet, one sock up and one sock down, a headband that completely clashed with her skirt and half of the shirt un-tucked.

MW: "Hey Mom, can I borrow your hat?"

Me: "What for? Why do you want it?"

MW: "I'm just trying to see how stupid I can look!"

Me: "Thanks, kid".

You never see this kind of thing in a Hallmark ad.

I Have a Really Funny Story

that I can't post, even though I really want to. In it's stead, I will tell you this one and you can know that yesterday was ripe with comic relief.

Yesterday was the Cubs home opener. Mr. Weasel shared his train ride into the city with the raucous and libation enjoying fans during the morning rush.

In Mr. Weasel's own words, "4 milfy blonds on their way to the game got on the train". Being the consummate gentleman that he is, Mr. W got up to offer these women his seat, so that they may sit together. In their gratitude, the women poured Mr. Weasel "The best Bloody Mary I ever had". Yes, he got the recipe.

The women talked amongst themselves while Mr. Weasel stood next to their seats. The conversation took a turn in which a proclamation was made, "He is such a fag!", in reference to someone who was not present and then immediately the woman turned to Mr. Weasel in apology, "No offense to you".

Only in Chicago. Well probably not, but I still got a good laugh out of the deal.

Cheapwads Chafe My...........

I have had it up to my chapped hands with green bathrooms. Ever since Al Gore nazified our toilets back in the 90's, before he discovered the internet and invented global warming, the corporate fashion of having green bathrooms has become so en vogue that it has completely run amok.

Now, I am all for waste not, want not, but what we have here is corporations waving the flag of environmental friendliness as a guise to actually just be cheapwads.

Case in point, the bathroom facilities at your local members only warehouse shopping mart.

Here you will find things so green, that they need not paint the walls to give you a sense of environmental tranquility, that is, until you try to use them.

First of all, the heat is kept at an energy saving 66 degrees. This saves them money right away in a two-fold fashion, A. They have lower heating costs and 2. Half the time I turn around and decide to just hold it rather than risk frost bite and icicle formations where I would rather not have them, thus saving on all water and paper usage while visiting.

Now if you are brave enough or desperate enough to use the facilities, you will enter the stall to find a funky looking commode complete with flushing instructions. Lift the handle upward to dispose of liquid waste or push downward to dispose of solid waste. What if you had hot wings for lunch or Mexican was last night's dinner? Do you have to hit a call button to get a judge's decision?

Either way, you soon reach for bathroom tissue and find yourself stuck with recycled John Wayne style toilet paper. You know, it's rough, it's tough and it takes no...yada, yada, yada. That stuff is so thin that you need to use half a roll and still wish you you wearing disposable gloves while using it.

* Side Note: Toilet paper should never be recycled.*

Now if you have figured out in which direction you should flush, you get to move onto hand washing supply rationing. The automatic faucets that I swear are operated by someone behind the mirror laughing their butt off as they watch you try to wash, lather and rinse you hands in a trickle of tepid water that they keep shutting off as you attempt to use it. I know they are there and I hate them.

If you are lucky enough to rinse off the soap enough to be ready for drying and have resisted the urge thus far to go completely postal in a public restroom, you have one of 3 options available. 1. The automatic paper towel dispenser that rations small sheets of recycled toilet paper that rip the flesh from your hands without actually removing any of the moisture and make you wait stupid amounts of time waving in front of them in hopes of 'Please Sir, may I have some more', before giving up and wiping your hands on your jeans, leaving them cold, damp and prone to becoming chapped, b. The automatic blower hand dryer that has been around for ages, takes forever and still shuts off before your hands are dry, leaving you to finish by wiping them on your jeans or spending 20 more minutes in the restroom under the dryer with an angry, cold, chapping mob lining up behind you, or 3. The Super Mega hand drier 5000 that threatens to blow the flesh right off of your bones with a jet engine that pierces your ears with 300 decibels and sends small children running and screaming in fear out of the bathroom and you have to chase behind them with cold, wet chapping hands because they are your children.

None of this is friendly to the user. Washing your hands in cold water is not green, it's cheap. Warm to hot water and soap actually kills germs comfortably for the washee. As opposed to dragging your germ filled hands around the rest of the store but it does bring you back into the store a few days later to fill your antibiotic prescription. The lack of decent hand drying options gets you to buy industrial amounts of hand lotion while you are in the store when your hands begin to crack and bleed and the most effective money saving cheap-o-matic device is making the entire restroom experience so awful that you opt out of using them all together in favor of a bladder infection.

Christmas Tree Awareness

Every December 1000's of homeless and orphaned Christmas Trees are adopted from lots, the back of trucks and grocery stores, some to a good home and some not.

Because of a lack of screening and back round checks of those seeking to adopt a tree, all too often a tree will be tortured by tacky lights and adorned with gaudy decorations. In the worst cases of abuse the helpless tree will even be set fire too, taking its new home with it.
I urge you, my dear readers, to spread the word of Christmas tree safety to your friends and neighbors. Educate adoptive families on proper decorating techniques. Report and shame the abusers.

We can no longer turn a blind eye to these atrocities.
*Photos courtesy of Google Images