I'm not sleeping. This is nothing all that out of the ordinary here in Weaselville. I am usually awake well before dawn, but I am also usually asleep earlier than most. It all evens out. Even if my sleep patterns are not the norm, I do manage to get by and still be pretty stinking functional for the most part on the few hours that I do get.
The past few days I am getting much less REM time than usual. Although I have gone to bed on time, I am waking up around 1 am to start my day. I am waking because of extremely odd and disturbing dreams about what would be considered mundane topics. To jolt awake in a cold sweat, bolting upright, over not getting hash browns with an extremely early morning fast food breakfast and finding that the wrapper had been filled with a very fatty, deep fried and delicious New York Strip steak in it's stead and that I didn't have the early bird coffee special, even though it was in my hand and I was drinking it as I came to this realization in my dream, caused me a huge level of anxiety. Enough to startle me awake to start my day and make me fearful of closing my eyes.
In reality, I have had deep fried New York Strips. They are spectacular and voted most likely to make your heart stop! That would be a bonus in any meal I were to be served. Why would it cause me such anxiety?
I have self analyzed this wacky dream and my insane reaction to something to so seemingly sublime. Here it goes.
I didn't get what I had expected. I went to a trusty source of consistency we all know exactly what's on the menu and what it will taste like at fast food joints placed my order and got something better than I had asked for. It did have it's extra fat to bite through, but the sweetness of the meat is well worth having to chew through it.
The coffee I had in my hand, it was sweet, creamy and special. I was drinking in it in and enjoying every sip. All of a sudden it was gone. I no longer had it to enjoy, even though it was mine. It was gone and I didn't understand how or why something so delicious was gone without explanation. Taken away from me in the blink of an eye.
This still won't make any sense to most of you, but bare with me if you can. It makes more sense in context. This coming Friday would be the 8th birthday of that sweet little Angel Weasel you see in my header. She was born with special needs, Down's Syndrome to be exact, (To us she was New York Strip). She passed away at home suddenly, in the middle of the night a few weeks later, while I slept. Her creamy skin and sweetness were in my arms, yet she was gone (anybody get the coffee connection?). She had been special and I didn't have her anymore, even as I held her.
I fear sleep when no one else is up and on watch over the nest. I wake early to take up vigil. I fault myself with having missed her last few hours of life because I wanted sleep. I wish I had drank more in.
Now that I have depressed the living daylights out of you, I want you to think of this the next time you are awake in the middle of the night with a crying baby, a sick toddler, changing the peed sheets of a bunk bed or lecturing an obstinate teenager and be grateful that you are.
You don't Want To Miss A Thing.
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