Monday, October 19, 2009

A World of Weasels PSA

That's right folks. Today I offer you a Public Service Announcement to bring awareness to an problem of epidemic proportions. An affliction that many of us suffer from or that touches the life of someone very close to us. An abuse that is whispered about in dark corners, but too ugly to acknowledge publicly.

Well it's about time we take this suffering out of the shadows and into full view of society. For only then can we conquer the demon of Mommy Abuse.

Yes, we have all seen the Mommy with dark circles under her eyes, Broom Hilda hair and always looking like she has a migraine to match her eye twitch. We all know how she attained these afflictions, but we don't offer comfort or support more than a few words of platitude and a silent chuckle at her expense.

There are definite causes to these symptoms that need to be addressed:

  • Children who take their clean and folded laundry, only to throw it is a dark corner of their bedroom rather that put it neatly in their dresser.
  • Kids who argue about who's turn it is to take the dog out so long that the puppy has an accident on the recently shampooed carpets.
  • Announcing, "Mom, make me my lunch, I don't have time" as a teen is straightening her hair 3 minutes before it's time to leave the house.
  • Kids who scatter like roaches the second the word chores is uttered.
  • The words "sign this" spoken by a child on any given Monday morning.
  • "Birthday Party"
  • Having a five year old crawl in your bed to whine and cry when you are sick with a flu like bug because Daddy is napping on the couch.
  • Hearing Daddy growl and roar at children, while you are sick and running a fever in bed, because he was woken up from his nap in less than 5 hours.
  • Waking the next morning and asking hubby "How bad is the damage downstairs?", being told, "not too bad", heading downstairs only to find yourself resisting the urge to call 911 and report your home having been ransacked.
  • Sinks clogged with toilet paper (don't ask).
  • Being reminded on Monday morning that you still need to take the car in for fluid replacements today (yeah, it's that bad) while you still have a fever, congestion and cough. It couldn't happen yesterday because it would have taken away from nap time yesterday was so busy with Mom sick in bed.
  • "Mom, there are no clean towels!" spoken from a child who was just sitting on the couch atop 26 of them that only magic fairies know how to fold and put away. they do not exist until folded and put away.
  • I fogot to bring home my _______ (fill in the blank).
All of these are signs of chronic Mommy Abuse and we need to stop the suffering! We need to help me mothers everywhere to eradicate dark circles and eye twitches.

What can you do to stop the madness? How can you join the cause? Well my friends, the answer is simple. Send an unlimited supply of Coors Light to my home. Start a fund to send me on an all inclusive Hawaiian vacation. Kiss the Mommy in your life and tell her thanks and how much you love her. Only with an army of husbands and children, can we stop the eye twitch. The hair is a lost cause.

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17 comments:

Melisa with one S said...

You poor thing. I'm going to check into getting you a mail-order bride, to help out around the house.

de-I said...

Age my dear...age. It eventually conquers all Mommy abuse...if you survive :)

Terry said...

OMG! I swear you wrote this about my life!! Honestly, I feel so much better knowing I'm not alone...(said as my right eye twitches...)

Loukia said...

Haha! Great post... and I don't even want to comment to complain, because I only have two children 0 but trust me - my two boys are like a dozen children, no joke. They're all over the place, they get into everything, the mess they make is unbelievable, and when they fight... it's scary. It's just, I'm all twitchy thinking about it now! ;) Seriously, though, I am sometimes dumb enough to say to them: "Hey, I know! Let's all help put the laundry away together!" And of course... my 4 year old starts doing it, and sort of well, and then his little not even 2 year old brother tries to help by emptying everything out, causing a huge fight between the two of them, and I GIVE UP! Sigh. Sorry for rambling... great post! ;)

Cheffie-Mom said...

I hope you get some rest soon!! Eye twitches are no fun!! LOL!!

Momo Fali said...

Seriously. If you find some sort of safe haven for us abused moms, can you let me know?

Tara R. said...

Hello, my name is .... and I am a victim of Mommy Abuse. You must have been peeking into my windows at home. You're right though, it has to stop!

I hope you get the intervention you so much deserve.

Heather said...

oh man. i promise we can work that nanny deal out. seriously, you feed me, i'll do laundry, hang out with the weasels and even wait on you HAND AND FOOT if you let me come live with you.

PLEASE.

;)

PJ Mullen said...

Yikes, I hope you're feeling better soon.

Michelle said...

I hate to tell ya, but the hair is a lost cause over here. I'm starting to pull all mine out. Bummer you're not feeling well but I've OH so been there with you on so many of those.

At least your husband doesn't give you directions places. To their old locations. That are now closed. Twice. Making you the only person who is a half hour late to a birthday party. *sigh*

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I wholeheartedly agree with all of these. I don't know if you saw this on twitter, but my DARLING 13 year old daughter actually said to me-OUT LOUD-on Friday night, "You just don't UNDERSTAND how tired I am!!" Even her older brother was blown away...he said "Did you seriously just say that to her??"
Kids.

The Father of Five said...

After a particularly trying time in our house...

3 kids sick... individually and back to back, my working copious amounts of overtime, the Mother of Five's work schedule and my opposite (night shift) keeping us on a "check in and go different directions" rotation.... I did just that.

I left her a thank you / I love you note on her pillow before I left for work one evening...

WeaselMomma said...

@ Melisa ~ That sounds like just what the doctor ordered.

@ de-I ~ The operative word being 'if'.

@ Terry ~ Oh there are many of us. We can fight this affliction with wine.

@ Loukia ~ You are not alone.

@ Cheffie ~ Does that mean you are working on that vacation fund?

@ Momo ~ Rumor has it that Hawaiian beaches are the promised land.

@ Tara ~ We need to organize a mommy retreat.

@ Heather ~ Your room is all ready and waiting.

@ PJ ~ Thanks, man.

@ Michelle ~ yeah, the Broom Hilda image popped into my head when I looked in the mirror.

@ Dysfunctional ~ That is hysterical! I missed that on twitter.

@ Father of Five ~ You da man!!!!!!

seashore subjects said...

I thought it was only me and fictional characters that actually got the eye twitch. You have lightened my load considerably!

The Devoted Dad said...

Great PSA. You should re-post this just before the major holidays just as a reminder :) -Jason

-Justin said...

For the record: I did laundry yesterday while my wife was sick. (I still got busted for not picking up enough toys, books, dirty diapers, etc) I did dishes and cooked all the meals, too. Dad's aren't completely useless! (Mostly.. I think...)

terri said...

Kisses and expressions of love...? Pffft. Pass the beer please.

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