Monday, December 14, 2009

Santa Really Needs To Rethink His List Criteria

We all are extremely familiar with the snot nosed, little brat that caught his mother giving Santa a little sumptin, sumptin extra for all of his troubles on Christmas Eve. What I wanna know is what on earth Santa was doing at the kids house to begin with!

Seriously, that kid deserves a lump of coal and to step in a pile of the little gifts that the reindeer leave behind in the lawn, at best. What did this kid do so wrong to deserve this, you ask?

Think about it. He catches his mother playing a game of "I bet I know where your ticklish" with Santa and does he stop to think 'that's wrong?' Does he care about the devastating effect of such behavior on his family? Does he consider how many pieces his father's heart would break into if this were to come to his attention?

The answer is no. All he thinks is "Damn shame that Dad didn't see this. It would make for great entertainment". The kid could be put on the naughty list for having words like 'damn' in his vocabulary alone. It never even crosses the kid's mind that this is a quid pro quo for Santa showing up at his house to begin with and the sacrifice that his mother may be making for him. He never thinks of Santa's route schedule and how this will delay Santa from getting to good children's houses before dawn. Not only should Santa not go to this kids house, his parents should go old school all over his butt.

What about all the poor kid who is getting Nuttin' for Christmas? He has a change of heart, promises to be good for next year, but finds that his actions are too late for this year. HumBug! Even Ebinezer Scrooge was given a 11th hour chance for redemption! If this kid really does go straight like he says he will, I think that he deserves a reprieve. Really. Gum in your sister's hair, using penny slugs and a tack on the teachers chair are bad behaviors, but child's play that doesn't compare to being jubilant that your mother is breaking her marriage vows and disappointed that you don't get to watch any fireworks because dad isn't around. I don't condone these behaviors, but kids will be kids and if they really change their ways, I say let Santa come.

I think Santa really needs to rethink his list criteria.

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8 comments:

Otter Thomas said...

My man Vince Vaughn on Fred Claus tells Santa that there are no bad kids. Some of them have just had some rough breaks. So they do away with the naughty list. Seems right to me.

Michelle said...

I'm thinking it's a good thing you aren't in charge of Christmas ;) Your spirit isn't quite what Santa exudes, although I'm with ya on the selfish kid!

Tom said...

Well, since the old guy's callously running over kindly, infirmed grandmothers who just happen to be walking home Christmas eve, I don't expect he's going to pay much attention to who's on the list.

terri said...

I agree. Do away with the lists. And send a therapist to the family of the kid who saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. They're gonna need some help!

Liz@thisfullhouse said...

My kids have enough trouble catching me kissing my husband, so there's that ;)

Juggling Eric said...

Tiger Woods is Santa Claus???

WeaselMomma said...

@ Otter ~ I am all for the lists. I just think Santa needs to change his criteria.

@ Michelle ~ I would make a perfect #1 so I could play bad cop to Santa's good cop.

@ Tom ~ He was probably rushing to get away from an angry husband when that unfortunate incident occurred.

@ Terri ~ Obama Care for All & to all a good long waiting list?

@ Liz ~ You need to drink more.

@ Eric ~ He does do a whole lot of ho, ho, ho'n.

NukeDad said...

I agree, but that was in the "olden" days. Today, the kid would be forced to see a family counselor for 16 weeks and then be required to write an essay on his behavior. Then, and ONLY then would he be allowed to re-enter a world with Santa and Christmas.

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