Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Paranormal Intervention

The Weasel children live in fear of an unseen force.  An entity that strikes them with fear deep within their souls.  Whenever they feel its presence threaten to invade close to there personal space they are struck with sudden bouts of nausea, headaches or an urgent need to secure themselves into the bathroom until the danger passes.  When directly confronted with it, it causes them to go into terrified fits.  This entity causes them such extreme amounts of anxiety that they can't even speak of it.

Although it does have a name.

Everything that I have come to learn about demons says that you should never say it's name aloud.  Saying the name has a summoning power and gives it greater power and control.  I avoid it's name.

I only refer to it as it's manifestations, and even then only in a whisper.

I tell Eldest Weasel, "Don't fear the vacuum. It can't hurt you".  Still she is scared that I am wrong and that there may be danger involved.  "What if you're wrong Mom?  What if it does bite me?".  Even after my assurances, she just doesn't feel safe enough to push it around a room.

Boy Weasel is a little more brazen in that he will confront the manifestation of the dishwasher, but refuses to load it correctly in any sort of ritualistic manner.  I keep telling him that it is not only okay, but safer and more productive to load it using the ritual that I have taught him, but alas, he fears the demon.

All the Weasels live in such fear of the washer and dryer that it causes extreme amounts of obstinance and pain in Weaselville for them to gather a load a of laundry for me to wash to feed into them.  It often causes Monkey Weasel to hiss and Middle Weasel to speak in tongues.  No wonder our orthodontist makes so much money.

At first I thought that it was the high EMF (Electromagnetic Field) readings that emanate from the manifestations that cause the aversions,   but the mere thought of any kind of chore causes a severe adverse reaction in the Weasels.  So much so  that they find themselves unable to accomplish tasks that do not even involve appliances, such as putting their shoes away or hanging up wet towels when they are finished with them.

I have blessed the Weasels with Holy Water.  I have sprinkled the appliances with Holy Water in the sign of the cross.  I have called a Catholic Priest, because these are the dudes most prepared to deal with such things only to be laughed at told that this was beyond the realm of expertise.  

You know what?  I'm going to go all Harry Potter here and say the name of the evil demon that taunts the Weasels. out loud.  There will be no more fear!  It is time to stand up and take the power out of the name.

The demon's name is Housework!

The only way to defeat this demon is to confront it and complete it, but it always returns.

There has to be a Paranormal Intervention in Weaselville.  We need a class A cleaning lady full blown exorcism to cleanse the house.

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