Mr. Weasel and I should never be allowed in public together. We simply do not know how to behave. It doesn't matter how mundane the venue, we are like immature teenagers. We are the most inappropriate people that you would ever want to invite to your house for a cocktail party(but you would want to invite us).
This brings me to yesterday. We had made a cute "his and her" Doctor appointment. MW has been seeing this doctor for a while now. I had been avoiding anything to do with doctors for a few years. Anywho....we were going together so that we could start the Chantix quit smoking program together(yeah yeah, get over it).
I need a sense of humor in a Doctor. I can't stand Mr or Mrs Clinical Can't Crack A Smile. Be a real person damnit. MW assured me that I would like this guy.
So we are sitting in the waiting room, along with Smallest Weasel(none of you offered to babysit) and the geriatric set. It was like we were hitting the early bird dinner special. We are acting goofy and stupid as usual. None of this waiting patiently and quiet nonsense. We don't believe in decorum. MW pops a jolly rancher, as provided at the front desk, into his mouth and decides to 'make a basket' with the wrapper into my cleavage. Nothin' but net! The funny part was Mr. 40 yrs past prime across the room saw the whole thing and didn't need to take his Viagra that afternoon.
Soon we are called back. We both have to do the scale thing. MW makes a comment about the unpleasant facial expression expression I made when taking that step up. After that we sit and wait in the room, making stupid juvenile comments, making our own fun.
Doctor Straightman Funny Pants comes in, gives MW the once over and he's done. My turn.
MD: "How much do you drink?
Me: How much are you offering? I paid the cover. "about a case a week."
MD: Well only one a day is recommended for women, 2 a day for men.
Me: That's sexist!
MD: Yeah it is, but it's based on body weight.
Me: So you would encourage me to gain about 200 lbs.
Me: Okay, I can do that.
MD: You do know the definition of an alcoholic...Anyone who drinks more than you do. I'll give you 2 a day, after that it starts messing with your liver and heart. But You can't save them up for Saturday and have 14. Have the 2 or lose them.
Me: this is a sick joke, where's the hidden camera? This guy thinks he's a funny man. "alrighty then".
Smallest Weasel: "I have to go potty"
MW: I'll take her.
MW and Smallest Weasel exit.
MD: Anything you want to tell me while he's gone?
Me: I used to be a man.
MD: who nearly falls of his stool. "I'll never tell".
enter MW and Smallest Weasel
MD: I'll start you on Chantix now, so you can do this together. But I want you back in a month for the full gown treatment. He can come back in 3 months.
Me: I was just kidding about the man thing.
MD: I know, but your overdue for an entire workup.
MW: He just wants to get to know better, without me around.
So we leave and MW gets to laugh at me about the 2 beer thing.
I may just wear a prom gown to my next appointment.
P.S. Over at Jenny's Happy Life there is a fantabulous giveaway that belongs to me. Check it out and drool, but it will be mine.
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