Shut up! It's Medicinal.

Being a stay at home mom and raising 5 active kids ranging from preschool to high school, I often get asked "How do you do it?". I always have the same answer, "I Drink!". And now I will share with you why.

After a happy and busy 3 day weekend, Monday was devoted to making sure everything was set and ready to go for Tuesday, the official start of the shortened week. This is the day spent gathering school clothes to be washed, making sure we have everything necessary for a weeks worth of lunches to be made, completing any homework assignments and tying up any loose ends.

Last night I went to bed with a calmness that stemmed from everything being in order. There was one more load of laundry to be done for the morning, but Mr. Weasel said he'd handle that. Rock On!

5 am ~I awoke, slightly late for me (strange, I'm already aware). After pouring my coffee I set myself up with my aged laptop that should really be in hospice care. I can tell that years of constant use are taking it's toll. It groans and moans and moves painfully slow in the morning, much like an arthritic dog. I restart it 3x before it actually responds and even then it has trouble scrolling. I feel it's pain and love it dearly but can't wait for the day I can bury it in the garden with the toads and get a younger, faster, stronger bionic model.

6 am ~ As soon as I get Mac up and running, it's time to wake up Eldest ~I'm not even kidding, this morning it took an hour. I have time to read two blogs before I wake the rest of the family 45 minutes later (Mac is running extremely slow still).

6:45 am ~ I pull the Weasels from their beds ~physically pull them, mind you~ and bring Mr. Weasel a cup of morning joe. That's the only way to ensure not being torn to shreds when waking him. "Where did you put the kids school shirts that you washed?" is my morning greeting to him. He mumbles "I never put them in the dryer. I also have to wash my shirt for an interview downtown today". I grab the load and head back downstairs to quickly dry the kids immediate needs and put a fresh load in for the Mr.

6:50 am A thought strikes me, "Monkey, is your report done?". "Wait is today the 17th?, I DIDN"T DO IT!!!!!!" is followed by panic and tears. So much for yesterday's rendition of "all my homework's done".

7:am ~ I heat the car and then continue to calm Monkey Weasel as Eldest Weasel is ready and waiting for her ride to school. Mr. Makes his way downstairs and proceeds to check his email. I ask the other Weasels "Do, you have your reading logs? All your papers signed? All the stuff you said you had finished yesterday?". Of course they didn't. Time is now limited and everything super rushed. I remind Mr. Weasel that if he wants to wake up slowly and check email, have coffee, etc that he needs to wake up before the Weasels!!!!!!!! I have to take Eldest, so he has to handle paperwork, NOW!!!!!

7: 10 am ~ I drive Eldest and return home about 7:30 to help get everyone out of the house on time with everything they could possibly need. "Can you drive them to school and stop to get gas on the way home while I start folding laundry?" I ask of Mr. Weasel. "I can't. I have to shower and have a phone interview with Amazon at 9am and then have to head downtown for a 4 hour sit down. Is my shirt ready?". UGH.

7:50am ~ I take the younger Weasels to school ~making sure that everyone has backpacks, lunches, paperwork and everything they could possibly need, before I leave the driveway~ and stop for gas on the way home.

8:20am ~ I return home and start about my repairing the aftermath of the morning tornado.

8:25 am ~ After making minimal headway, the phone rings. I ignore it, cause that's what I do when I don't feel like answering. If it's important they'll call back or call my cell phone. My cell phone rings and now I have to answer. It's Boy Weasel calling from school "Mom, I forgot my book for class. Will you bring it right now?" UGH. "Mr., can you bring the Boy his book, right away?". He replies, "I still haven't showered and have that phone call at 9, and have to make the train for my interview". He still hasn't showered? He has got to be kidding me. Back in the car I go, complete with book I had to search through the Boys dirty laundry to find.

8:35am ~ I arrive at school, take the book to the classroom and threaten Boy Weasel that if he ever does this again (it's regular occurrence) that I will come in hair curlers, a housecoat and bunny slippers and stay for the lesson.

8:50am ~ I return home and Mr. Weasel is finally in the shower. Smallest is watching morning cartoons and I take a minute to sit. That didn't last long. About 30 seconds into my relax time a voice from upstairs penetrates my head "can you bring me my shirt". Done and done.

9:04am ~ Mr. informs me " I am a moron". Tell me something I don't know (I was already haggard and cranky~cut me a break). "My phone interview is at 9 am PST!!!! That not until 11am, but I have to make the next train so I can be take the call downtown and still be on time for my face to face. Will you take me to the train? I'll never find parking in time." I'm sure this is all just a sick joke.

9:20 am ~ We pack smallest in her car seat and head for the train. Mr. Weasel asks what else is on the agenda for me today, as he''ll be gone until 7 or 8pm. "hit the store for project stuff for monkey, figure out dinner, finish the laundry and finish the house work I have already started, pick the younger ones up at regular time, Eldest has track practice until five". "And don't forget you have to pick me up again tonight" is added by the Mr. Thank God I gassed up the car.

10 am ~ Return home and start this post my day.

And this my dear readers, is why I drink more before noon* than most people do all day.

* For my non-regular readers ~Total hyperbole ~ don't go calling child services or sending AA brochures.