Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Shut up! It's Medicinal.

Being a stay at home mom and raising 5 active kids ranging from preschool to high school, I often get asked "How do you do it?". I always have the same answer, "I Drink!". And now I will share with you why.

After a happy and busy 3 day weekend, Monday was devoted to making sure everything was set and ready to go for Tuesday, the official start of the shortened week. This is the day spent gathering school clothes to be washed, making sure we have everything necessary for a weeks worth of lunches to be made, completing any homework assignments and tying up any loose ends.

Last night I went to bed with a calmness that stemmed from everything being in order. There was one more load of laundry to be done for the morning, but Mr. Weasel said he'd handle that. Rock On!

5 am ~I awoke, slightly late for me (strange, I'm already aware). After pouring my coffee I set myself up with my aged laptop that should really be in hospice care. I can tell that years of constant use are taking it's toll. It groans and moans and moves painfully slow in the morning, much like an arthritic dog. I restart it 3x before it actually responds and even then it has trouble scrolling. I feel it's pain and love it dearly but can't wait for the day I can bury it in the garden with the toads and get a younger, faster, stronger bionic model.

6 am ~ As soon as I get Mac up and running, it's time to wake up Eldest ~I'm not even kidding, this morning it took an hour. I have time to read two blogs before I wake the rest of the family 45 minutes later (Mac is running extremely slow still).

6:45 am ~ I pull the Weasels from their beds ~physically pull them, mind you~ and bring Mr. Weasel a cup of morning joe. That's the only way to ensure not being torn to shreds when waking him. "Where did you put the kids school shirts that you washed?" is my morning greeting to him. He mumbles "I never put them in the dryer. I also have to wash my shirt for an interview downtown today". I grab the load and head back downstairs to quickly dry the kids immediate needs and put a fresh load in for the Mr.

6:50 am A thought strikes me, "Monkey, is your report done?". "Wait is today the 17th?, I DIDN"T DO IT!!!!!!" is followed by panic and tears. So much for yesterday's rendition of "all my homework's done".

7:am ~ I heat the car and then continue to calm Monkey Weasel as Eldest Weasel is ready and waiting for her ride to school. Mr. Makes his way downstairs and proceeds to check his email. I ask the other Weasels "Do, you have your reading logs? All your papers signed? All the stuff you said you had finished yesterday?". Of course they didn't. Time is now limited and everything super rushed. I remind Mr. Weasel that if he wants to wake up slowly and check email, have coffee, etc that he needs to wake up before the Weasels!!!!!!!! I have to take Eldest, so he has to handle paperwork, NOW!!!!!

7: 10 am ~ I drive Eldest and return home about 7:30 to help get everyone out of the house on time with everything they could possibly need. "Can you drive them to school and stop to get gas on the way home while I start folding laundry?" I ask of Mr. Weasel. "I can't. I have to shower and have a phone interview with Amazon at 9am and then have to head downtown for a 4 hour sit down. Is my shirt ready?". UGH.

7:50am ~ I take the younger Weasels to school ~making sure that everyone has backpacks, lunches, paperwork and everything they could possibly need, before I leave the driveway~ and stop for gas on the way home.

8:20am ~ I return home and start about my repairing the aftermath of the morning tornado.

8:25 am ~ After making minimal headway, the phone rings. I ignore it, cause that's what I do when I don't feel like answering. If it's important they'll call back or call my cell phone. My cell phone rings and now I have to answer. It's Boy Weasel calling from school "Mom, I forgot my book for class. Will you bring it right now?" UGH. "Mr., can you bring the Boy his book, right away?". He replies, "I still haven't showered and have that phone call at 9, and have to make the train for my interview". He still hasn't showered? He has got to be kidding me. Back in the car I go, complete with book I had to search through the Boys dirty laundry to find.

8:35am ~ I arrive at school, take the book to the classroom and threaten Boy Weasel that if he ever does this again (it's regular occurrence) that I will come in hair curlers, a housecoat and bunny slippers and stay for the lesson.

8:50am ~ I return home and Mr. Weasel is finally in the shower. Smallest is watching morning cartoons and I take a minute to sit. That didn't last long. About 30 seconds into my relax time a voice from upstairs penetrates my head "can you bring me my shirt". Done and done.

9:04am ~ Mr. informs me " I am a moron". Tell me something I don't know (I was already haggard and cranky~cut me a break). "My phone interview is at 9 am PST!!!! That not until 11am, but I have to make the next train so I can be take the call downtown and still be on time for my face to face. Will you take me to the train? I'll never find parking in time." I'm sure this is all just a sick joke.

9:20 am ~ We pack smallest in her car seat and head for the train. Mr. Weasel asks what else is on the agenda for me today, as he''ll be gone until 7 or 8pm. "hit the store for project stuff for monkey, figure out dinner, finish the laundry and finish the house work I have already started, pick the younger ones up at regular time, Eldest has track practice until five". "And don't forget you have to pick me up again tonight" is added by the Mr. Thank God I gassed up the car.

10 am ~ Return home and start this post my day.

And this my dear readers, is why I drink more before noon* than most people do all day.

* For my non-regular readers ~Total hyperbole ~ don't go calling child services or sending AA brochures.

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32 comments:

OhCaptain said...

Sounds like fun! Oh wait, no it doesn't. Quit enabling them and crack open a beer. I would just love to see there faces when, on a morning of their own making, you are just sitting there sipping a cold one :-)

Tom said...

You absolutely MUST follow up on your promise to show up to school in the whole get-up. Just think of the leverage you'll have afterwards! Your next threat could be to bring him extra underwear in the afternoon. And be sure his name is embroidered on the waistband.

Melisa with one S said...

That explains why you didn't answer when *I* called this morning right around 8:40. :)

BTW, I want to also share with everybody the gist of what your outgoing voicemail message says, because I think it's hilarious:

"Hi! I never check my voicemail so don't leave a message! Just keep calling and I'll answer in a few minutes! Bye!"

Otter Thomas said...

I am tired from just reading about your morning. I already drink so in preperation for the possibility of a routine that even resembles yours I better start drinking more.

WeaselMomma said...

@ OhCaptain ~ You are right, I am an enabler. The problem is I live in a houseful of Poloks!(I'm gonna get flak for that, good Irish girl that I am) Who without me would wither and die.

@ Tom ~ I intend to and would bring a camera!

@ Melisa ~ Hehehehe. Glad you like my message. At least it's honest!

@ Otter ~ Congrats on your 1st. They are great and wonderful, but just wait for the roller coaster you are soon to embark upon!

Chris H said...

I can sooo relate to your day! I had 6 kids in 10 years! It makes for a fun life if nothing else!

(F)redddy said...

Your header makes me want to play whack-a-mole!

I realize we just met, and my opinion wasn't asked for, but if Mr. Weasel is an unemployed Weasel, he damn sure would be up, LOVINGLY, making MY coffee AND starching my drawers. You're a saint...or a drunk. I'm not sure which applies.

nonnasnonsense said...

whew! i'm glad i'm just a s.mom and they are all in their 20's!! although i did just have to drive to nashville yesterday to pick up youngest from the airport. she got in a fight w/her ride. gee thanks. you couldn't wait til you got back to YOUR own STATE b4 you fought! ugh!

Laura said...

ah yes, the joys of big families! thankfully the days all blur together, & all you know is that the minivan is overmilage & the gas card is over its limit! have a beer for me ANYTIME you like--i'm still restricted for six more months--yikes!!

Michelle said...

You are SO a nicer mom than I am/would be. They forgot their books? Tough. Learn to bring them yourself next time. And you didn't do homework? After I asked if it was done? Guess you'll have to take a zero.

Yeah, I talk big, don't I?

So ummm did you get to the gym today? ;)

WeaselMomma said...

@ Chris ~ You are my hero, but yours brought more home, ugh. I don't need that.

@ Freddy ~ Whack- mole- would be hysterical if I could figure out how to make it interactive.

@ nonna ~ and that's why we are going to party like rockstars at BlogHer!

@ Laura ~ I'll have one for ya! Too bad you'll still be on the wagon in May.

@ Michelle ~ Bring that hammer down! I haven't been to the gym in a week. I have to get on the ball!

Joeprah said...

Amen to that! I feel you, what a wonderful day it is shaping up to be. I am in between three after school activities right now and I already had my three trips back and forth from doctors, my school volunteering gig and preschool, not to mention my attempt at helping my neighbor fix her computer problems. Today somehow seems more relaxed then others--maybe because I read about yours.. :D

RhondaLue said...

You live MY life! WOW, someone out there that has the same junk always piled on at the last minute!
It appears that we have the same schedule. My drink of choice happens to be diet coke though.

k a t i e said...

Good grief - I am absolutely exhausted just reading it, and suddenly and disturbingly realize I may not have solid grounds to complain about looking after two neurotic dogs and a cat all day. Hmmm.

terri said...

You need a vacation! AND you deserve some kind of award. AND you are completely justified in drinking your stress away!

Sue said...

Yeah, you know it is gong to be a long day when you wonder if you can have a drink before noon.

WeaselMomma said...

@ Joeprah ~ I think we could have beers and exchange stories.

@ Rhonda ~ You can always convert(JK).

@ Katie ~ Throw in sports, homework and dental and you have my life.

@ Terri ~ Now if I could just hire someone to do my job while I go.

@ Sue ~ I just wonder if I can do it publicly.

The Microblogologist said...

You have to drink before noon since you go to bed so early! Noon is like your 5:00pm.

7am -> 5pm
4am -> 12pm

I utilize ethanol before noon as well and often well into the evening/night. This is why I buy it by the gallon!

seashore subjects said...

As boy told me yesterday, "Dad's right I'd forget my head if it wasn't attached." (3 trips in the house to gather all supplies for school - at 10 minutes)

I'm saying a prayer for Mr's interview!

Bad Momma said...

Reading your post makes me crave a drink! Perhaps a nip for my coffee.

Just say NO! "Can you bring me my book?" - NO!
"My homework isn't done" - TOO BAD!
and so on....

We have a policy that we try to stick to: Homework is to be done before bed and all papers must be signed at night. Backpacks must be packed & ready to go the night before. Doesn't always happen but is the norm at our house.

After a little tough love & some "homework slips" (what you get if you don't turn in work on time) we find the kids are a bit more responsible.

Cut back on the enabling & you will find you will won't need a drink until a bit later, like 3:00 or so...

Momo Fali said...

I hate mornings. I actually can feel my blood pressure go down once I get to work.

And, there's nothing wrong with drinking! It's good for the heart.

NukeDad said...

Why is that you can be ahead on laundry 99 out of 100 times, but the ONE time you forget is the day you need it the most? I love the curlers/housecoat/bunny slippers threat; you should totally follow through with it. Oh, and take pictures if you do.

de-I said...

Being old brings all kinds of unkindnesses BUT it does mean you don't have days like these any more.

Mike said...

A little Baily's in your coffee seems to be in order. Cheers...

Sabrae Carter said...

And people wonder why I don't have kids! lol I would so drink to!

Cheffie-Mom said...

MOMS to the rescue, right? What would our families do without us? (:

Mama Smurf said...

I will never...ever....ever.... EVER!.... complain again!

Manic Mom said...

I start drinking with breakfast, that's how I wash my waffles down. HA HA Plus we homeschool, so I can slush through the whole day. Hugs!

Bella Daddy said...

Wonderfully fun site...thanks for sharing!

Mrs4444 said...

If you read my post today, you know how much our lives parallel in a very different way. Maybe I should start drinking?!

Mike said...

Dear God... I'll keep my 8-5, thank you. Your title cracked me up, though!!!!

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why! said...

Bottoms up!

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