Saturday, December 6, 2008

You Can Take The Girl Out Of The City..................

I grew up in the city. Basically in the middle of the 'hood. Mr. Weasel grew up on a farm. Basically in the middle of nowhere. We now live in the suburbs and do the white picket fence thing, albeit without the white picket fence.

These are completely different lifestyles. Completely different cultures and play by completely different rules. Growing up within the culture of the inner city, there are some things that just become second nature. You never have to think about them, they are just a given. The #1 rule is that you don't ever let anybody push you around. You don't go looking for a fight, but you never let anybody see fear or weakness. Word will spread fast and you will become an instant mark. If you ever came home crying because Joey or Dawn or anybody beat you up, Mom would push you back out the door and tell you that you better go defend yourself. It's not that she didn't care that you were about to get your butt kicked, but as long as you were willing to fight back is what the world needed to see. She sent you back for your own good. I so know that this is not PC, but without it you would never survive in the city.

You learn not to take crap from anybody and to always defend your honor and your property. You learn not to start anything you don't want to finish and people learn not to mess with you unless they are willing to take a good thumping. You become street smart.

After so many years of living the life in the 'burbs with the farm boy and the lawn Weasels I have softened on the exterior. However my street rat instincts, although dormant most of the time, are right beneath the surface. Lying in wait, like Mount ST. Helen.

Last night The entire Weasel family was in the car and on our way home. We were in a time crunch and had to get Eldest Weasel home to change and back out to cheer for a basketball game. Mr. Weasel is driving down a busy street at about 30Mph, when an ice ball crashes into my door. I see some teens scrambling to hide behind the tree line after playing target practice with moving traffic. We pull over in a parking lot to check for damage and find another car doing the same thing. I ask Mr. Weasel to drive back. I'm gonna find the little snots. He's hesitant. We are short on time. His instincts say let it go and move on. My instincts say, "somebody's gonna get a thumping". The Weasels are dead silent in the back. These suburban kids are sitting in shock. This stuff doesn't happen in their Norman Rockwell world. Mr. Weasel drives back, but wants me to let him handle this. I have steam rolling out of my ears waiting to explode at these(insert foul language here). I do agree to let him handle things. That is until ~ bang~ they do it again while we are looking for them. I quickly taught my family an new word as Mr. Weasel shouts "GO!" and I fly out of the car and into the tree line shouting every obscenity you've ever heard and probably a few you haven't.

As I was running cross country in snow and woods, the other pelted driver, who had also turned back to look for these morons, pulled up to Mr. Weasel to find out that I was in chase and responded "good for her" and proceeded to shine his high beams into the woods so that I may see better. I am chasing them through small woods and back yards until they disappeared into some cul-de-sac. I start knocking on doors but no one answered and finally called the cops to report these little delinquents are trying to cause an accident.

I didn't catch them, but I am sure that I scared the crap out of 'em. Hopefully they were stupid enough to continue until they could pelt a cop car.

When I returned to the car, the Weasels still had that deer in the headlights look about them. The only sound breaking their trance was Boy Weasel, "Mom, I didn't know you could run like that!".

It's too bad you can't teach street smarts.

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21 comments:

Tara R. said...

OH girl! I want you on my Red Rover team. Kick their little punk butts!

Melissa said...

Is it really bad that I would have been out there running with you.

I have no patience for little brats...then they started throwing ice balls at you...I would have flipped my ever lovin' lid!!

And I grew up in the 'burbs going to a parochial school...what does that say about me?

Big Bad Daddy said...

The same thing happened to me in both directions when I was young and younger. Incident 1. Christmas Eve, just after mass with my Mom and my Uncle, we were loading something into the back of the station wagon and the snowball comes sailing right into the car and smashes on the INSIDE of the windshield. My Uncle yell shut the f#%*in door and goes peeling out after these punks who were doing this drive-by style, leaving my Mom standing in the parking lot in the falling snow. Incident 2. I was the punk, pelting cars from the ditch with the fuzzy tops of the bullrushes that grew by the side of the road. One car stopped and did virtually what you did, but he didn't chase me that far because I was running back into a swamp. Did I mention I lived in the country? Needless to say that scared the crap out of me, plus I had left my bike in the ditch and he nearly stole it!. I suppose I would have deserved that.

nonna said...

now see, that's not fair. you get to use the "street smart" reasoning. i get called out for that kind of behavior and am told i'm "breaking red" on ppl. i too would have chased the little twerps, unfortunately my non-confrontational hubby would never have turned around so that i could exact my revenge on those little punks. i hope they peed their pants running away from you! lol

Manic Mom said...

First of all I have to tell you that I love your new profile pic, VERY BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
2nd, thank you for always being there for me & always saying the right things at the right time. You Rock! 3rd, you know how I feel about kids. And I swear they woulkd have been Scared to death if I would have been in the car with you. You go girl!!! What are damn kids thinking now a days? You go girl, you should have run them over with the car & then if you kids would have asked questions. You could have said that's what happens when you______. Then insert what you want them to fear not doing that week. Chores, homework, playing nicely,not talking back. You get the picture, LOL...Just kidding, Hugs!!!

Tom said...

Silently, your kids are mentally scratching out on their list of parental defenses the line that reads "you can outrun your mom."

Good for you. Carry your super-soaker next time.

Knot said...

I wish my wife would let me chase morons. The gene pool would be thinner.

Knot

Michelle said...

Well good for you. I'm with you on finding the little ummm guys. We have a ding dong ditch problem in our neighborhood and I've uhhhh gone after them before. From the back of the house so they don't know I'm coming.

You pose a good argument for moving back to the city to raise the wee ones.

Melisa said...

I love that. My sister did that once; though she didn't have to actually give chase because the idiots were just standing there trying to look like they didn't throw the snowball. :)

I wish I could have seen you run. On second thought, I totally wish I could have run with you. I have a feeling that you & I could kick some major butt as a team. :)

Weaselmomma said...

@ Tara ~ we'll give them what they deserve.

@ Melissa ~ We could have a great time together.

@ Big Bad Daddy ~ You crack me up ya little punk!

@ Nonna ~ Mr. Weasel has often pointed out to me the similarities between street rats and Red necks.

@ Manic ~ !st of all, Thank you! I love a good compliment. Secondly, I think we could really tear the place up, lol.

@ Tom ~ great idea to keep a loaded super soaker in the car.

@ Knot ~ Maybe it's a good thing she doesn't let you. You can't kill them, just thump 'em real good.

@ Michelle ~ Boy would we have fun together. Maybe drinks and chasing the brats?????

@ Melisa ~ I think you could be right. We would make a good and fierce team.

Bad Momma said...

Probably just as well that you didn't catch them.

Too bad the kids didn't have the video camera!

NukeDad said...

Like Big Bad Daddy, I've been on both sides of this fence, but it was water balloons instead of snowballs (C'mon, it was El Paso). I ran across the road to salvage a balloon that hadn't broken. I thought I was quick and stealthy enough to avoid being seen. I was wrong. He chased us for about 100 yards down the ditchbank until his car bottomed out. We all changed our underwear and watched cable the rest of the night.

Mike said...

Hell have no fury like a mother on the rampage. Those sorry ass kids are lucky you didn't catch them. The cops may not have found their bodies until Spring...

Sue said...

Oh, that is awesome! You go girl!

terri said...

Scott Farkus! Ha!

You ROCK! I love that you chased those little chits down... even if you didn't catch 'em.

RhondaLue said...

You rock!!! Those little punks!!! I love what boy weasel said...too funny!

Jack said...

When I was a kid my best friend and I used to have a field day attacking the UPS truck.

Whenever we saw it coming up the street we'd make a point to pound the side of it with rocks and dirt clods.

We weren't smart enough to consider the damage we were causing to the truck. But we were smart enough to make sure that we never got caught.

Oscar said...

You had every right to chase the lil bus-terds.

I grew up with a belt across my a$$ if I did anything and am a fine upstanding citizen. (well mostly)

Nothing wrong with an occasional whoopin' I say.

Love the Christmas story reference.

Mrs4444 said...

wow! That's awesome. Truthfully, though, the scare you gave them probably gave them such an adrenalin rush, they loved it! (beats sniffing paint, though) I'm sorry, but I am laughing pretty hard here; that was great.

BTW, Mr.4444 is on his way to your neck 'o the woods as we speak; he has a meeting in Chi-town in the morning and wanted to avoid the snowstorm. He should be rolling in around 11:00Pm, so leave the light on for him, ok?

Weaselmomma said...

@ Mrs4444 ~ I will not only leave the lights on, but will put on some soft music and wine for the cats. He could be here in time for the show.

The Microblogologist said...

You need to come visit me, I could use someone with street smarts, I just got this in an e-mail from the university:

"We have some additional work to complete yet [in refurnishing the furnished apartments] that will involve some furniture pieces arriving December 29th-31st between the hours of 8:00am and 2:00pm.

While your apartment is not directly affected by the furniture replacement I wanted to make you aware that Iowa Prison Industries (IPI) will be coordinating the work."

They are working in the buildings surrounding mine and they did not seem as supervised as much as they should have been for my comfort level and given that this is family housing. I have a few pics from the last round of them working/loitering around outside the building next to mine. Kinda makes a person nervous seeing all the orange jump suited prisoners wandering around!

I hope those punk kids got caught, they could smash someone's window that way! I also hope they got peesicles after wetting themselves when you went after them, you are so my hero!

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