Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Aging or Reverse Evolution?

I don't often like to admit to this, but I am a female. I often pride myself on not being a 'girly girl'. However, I do sport some girly tendencies. I love to treat myself to the occasional manicure and pedicure. I wax my eyebrows and color the gray out of my hair. All of these things are done in vanity. I want to look as young, vibrant, and hot as I did in college. So even though I'm not afraid to get dirty, enjoy both playing and watching sports and consider myself laid back, I still am a girl.

I claim that vanity and ego are not important to me, but I am only lying to myself. And the older I get, the more these things matter to me. This makes sense. When you take these things for granted, you don't think that they are important, but take them away and whooaaaaaaa, Houston, we have a problem. A perfect example of this: I like beer, I drink beer, I am very casual about beer. When the fridge is out of beer the house goes into a state of emergency until the Governor steps in and the situation can be rectified.

Anyway, back to vanity. For a while now, I tend to loose a lot of hair in the shower. No big deal. The longer your hair is the more you notice it. As long as they grow back there are no worries. Lately however, I am losing an alarming amount of hair as I wash it. The other day I am in the shower and just finished conditioning when I happen to look down and start screaming (like a girl) because I thought one of the pet hamsters escaped it's cage and found it's way into the shower. Nope, no rodents on the loose, just a wet clump the size of a small animal of my no longer attached to my scalp hair.

Another huge hit to my ego came when I am outside playing with the kids in the sun when hubby came home from work. He parks in the driveway and comes over for greetings and a quick update on the day. He plants a kiss and starts looking at me funny. "What is it?" I ask. Half laughing to himself, knowing to tread carefully, he rubs his thumb over my upper lip and says "Are you growing a mustache?". UGH. "No, that's just normal hair that covers your whole body. It's blond and has always been there." He chuckles some more under his breath and states how he never noticed before in the 15 years we have been married.

To add insult to injury, on my last little outing to the spa for my nails, tootsies and eyebrows all is going well until while getting my pedicure the well trained Cambodian technician asks me if I want her to tweeze the hairs on my toes. Ugh. When we head into the waxing room to do my eyebrows she asks me "you lip too?". Damn, Hubby was right.

Add to this more acne and acne scars than when I was a teenager and you get the whole picture.

So as I am loosing the hair on my head, thinning noticeably by the day, I am growing hair on my face and my feet.

So when you saw the news reports last week that a real Sasquatch had been spotted it was all just a big mistake. It was actually just me taking a walk through the woods.

Pretty soon, I will just have to start dressing up as the unknown comic every time I leave the house.

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Scott said...

Okay, this whole aging thing ain't just happening to you women. I am now waking up with aches & pains. Not from playing a softball double-header, playing basketball for 3 hours, working out too hard, playing in a volleyball tournament, triathlon training, or any other of my (wishful thinking) exercises. No... this soreness came from sleeping on my shoulder wrong. I think I need to see a chiropractor!

Tom said...

It isn't fair, is it? We gain experience, wisdom and privilege... but can't enjoy it as fully as we could have when we were younger.

It's a fallen world.

But at least you can drink beer.

terri said...

I hereby declare that it is COOL and EXCITING to have thinning, graying hair on top of your head, new hair growth above the lip, on the toes, and let's not forget... the chin! Also, wrinkles and scars are now a sign of an exciting life well lived. And muscle aches from sleeping wrong or bending over to grab the newspaper off the front step are accomplishments! Let's celebrate our age! What do you say?

(Are you buying into this? If I keep talking, I might!)

Mike said...

Great post. Funny again.

If you look at my picture closely you'll find that I have the very same problem you do. Hair on my toes and not enough on my head. My problem is MUCH worse....

NukeDad said...

Hair is a relative thing; my relatives have it, and I don't.

Bad Momma said...

I feel your pain!

My hair is all over the house and clogging up the drains! A few months ago my husband pointed out the hair on my upper lip. I pointed out that ironically, soon I would have more hair on my upper lip than he would on his balding head!

BusyDad said...

My wife just bought me a nose hair trimmer this week. I am officially an old dude.

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