Thursday, October 9, 2008

Ask Not What Your Momma Can Do For You, But What you Can Do For Your Momma


I the Momma, of the Monarch Kingdom of Weaselville, in order to form a more perfect household, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and cleanliness standards,and to secure my own sanity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the Kingdom of Weaselville.

Article I - The Legislative Branch
All Laws and rules present and future are to be set by the King and/or Queen of Weaselville(Mr.Weasel and WeaselMomma). Bush Weasels(henceforth referred to as Weasels) may lobby the Monarchs, but Royal proclamations are final.

Article II - The Executive Branch(Presidency)
The Queen shall hold the office of the Presidency. She shall have ultimate decision making and Veto powers. BWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!

Article III - The Judicial Branch
The King shall preside over the judicial branch in deciding if rules, laws, and Momma Meltdowns are just(remember, the President's ultimate Veto power over all branches, hehehehehe).

Article IV - Separation of Powers
There is none, hahahahahahahahaha. All the power lies in the hands of the King and Queen.

Article V - Rights of The Weasels
1. RIGHT OF RESPECT
All Weasel have the right to be treated with respect. By both the King and Queen and By each other.

2. RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH
-Psych(had there for a minute, didn't I?)

3. RIGHT TO LIFE
All Weasels have the right to food, shelter and clothing in order to keep you healthy and alive. Not to be confused with being served meals, maid service, and laundry bitch.

4. RIGHT OF CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT
Yup, so I wouldn't push your Monarch's too far

5. RIGHT TO DUE PROCESS
All Weasels have the right to justice. That is why we have a calm, rational and sensible Judicial branch of government. That can be VETOED(so my favorite power) if you push the WeaselMomma to close to the edge!!!!!!!

6. RIGHT TO PRIVACY
Silly you, there is no right to privacy in the Constitution.

Article VI - Responsibilities of the Weasels
1. EDUCATION
All Weasels have the responsibility of completing school work to the BEST of
individual ability, Studying in a timely fashion and keeping the King and Queen informed of all aspects of your school career.

2. HOUSEWORK
All Weasels have the responsibility of doing chores. Not limited to, but including keeping your room clean, taking care of individual pets, cleaning up after yourself and anything else the King or Queen ask of you.

3. RESPECT
All Weasels, having the right to be respected themselves, need to treat both King and Queen and Fellow Weasels, whether older or younger, with complete respect and decency.

4. PARTICIPATING IN THE FUNCTION OF WEASELVILLE AND FOR THE MENTAL WELL BEING OF THE KING AND QUEEN
All Weasels have the responsibility of collecting their own laundry to be washed when asked. Giving notice of lack of supplies to do said chores, wearing clean clothing or alerting Monarchs to any extra help needed/confusion with school projects/homework.

Article VII - PRIVILEGES OF THE WEASELS
To include, but not limited to, rides to where ever you would like to be, play dates, video games, computer access, and television access will be distributed individually based on your ability to hold faithful to the responsibility clauses of this Constitution.

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19 comments:

OhCaptain said...

You are going to run into some legal difficulties with this Magna Weaselcharta. There are some definite areas of questionable wording.

It would appear in Articles 1,3,4,5.1,6.2,6.3,6.4 that this is a dual leader system, but this is clearly not the intent of article article 2, which seems to undermine the authority of the King in all other articles.

This discrepency could ultimately lead to either an independent arbitrator (yeah, right) stepping in and setting aside the Weaselcharta to be reworked or, in dire need of something, the King could revolt and rewrite the Weaselcharta, leaving the queen to the fate of Marie Antoinette. Just trying to help.

Tom said...

Let us know how that works out for you. Especially the laundry part.

Weaselmomma said...

Luckily, I have some Rasputin-like powers over Mr. Weasel. That and he wants no parts of some of the day to day nonsense I have to deal with.
We can switch powers, but also would switch responsibilities.

Michelle said...

Now that's the kind of contract I can live with! Well put, Queen. So ummm what's the reaction of the peasants, I mean citizens?

terri said...

I'm SO copying this. And I'm adding a clause that says the king can't play stupid to get out of certain chores, such as online bill pay.

Momisodes said...

ROFL! This was awesome :) Especially-"Not to be confused with being served meals, maid service, and laundry bitch" LOL!

Manager Mom said...

I am definitely the Chief Laundry bitch in my household. I hate it, and yet I can't seem to relinquish it to my serflings.

Good luck with the proclamations.

Tara R. said...

These should be required reading in homes everywhere. Brilliant.

Mike said...

I'm sorry but "laundry bitch" is the classic line in this.

In my house it's he who brings home the bread, says who can eat. End of story...

The Microblogologist said...

If I reproduce I believe I will be adopting this constitution!

Weaselmomma said...

Captain, Mr. Weasel ans I have now ratified this beauty.
Tom, sure thing. I am foolishly hoping for the best.
Michelle, We are releasing this to the media at 4pm Friday afternoon in the Friday Slush Pile, because we are sure it is not going to play well with the citizenry.
Terri, That's a great amendment.
Momisodes, That's the sound bite we expect the news to play continuously.
Manager, when the economy picks up the weasels may be looking to hire you. Thanks for coming to the press conference.
Tara, I am hoping that gets me some kind of really big award, Something Like Manager Mom reading my blog.
Mike, I like the way you rule your Kingdom.
Bio, Definitely Frame this and adopt it into your future kingdom.

Bad Momma said...

Love it! I may need to borrow this for Bad Momma's household.

divergrl26 said...

*hmmmmm* Whatever happened to the good old days of, "because I said so!"? I think this world is becoming too complicated!

janed21 said...

I also, should a little one ever spring forth from my womb, will be adopting this Constitution! It's better than what My parents said to me... "If your under my roof... " LOL

Has anyone told you recently how brilliant you are? Or am I the first?

nukedad said...

Hope one of the little weasels doesn't start talking like Barney Frank and asking that your rules be presented before the kid committee.

Mrs4444 said...

Awesome. I take it Ohcaptain is a lawyer? Funny stuff!

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why! said...

I love this! I'm sharing it with "cuz I'm the Daddy" at my house

Joanie M said...

Brilliant!

I always told my kids that my home is NOT a democracy, so get over to it. And I wonder why they all (mostly) moved out right after going to college.

NYCPatty said...

Awesome!

And you see even later...all laws still apply!

Nice job Weaselmomma!

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