Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Happily Ever After


Once upon a time, a long time ago in a land far, far away(about 350 miles), when the Weasel family was much smaller, so small in in fact that they had not yet turned into Weasels. Just a Mom, Dad and and baby girl.

They lived in a beautiful old home that had been converted into four apartments. One apartment housed a family with teens. The teens were really nice and loved baby girl and were great babysitters. Directly upstairs was a single twenty-something who became a great Friday night buddy(and fellow X-Files enthusiast). Directly across the hall was a total and complete soul sucking, annoying, can't take a hint, understand personal space or time boundaries and her 2 ugly step-sisters daughters with equally endearing qualities. We shall call her Cheryl.

I was full time at home with a new baby. Cheryl was full time at home with a welfare check all by herself when the kids were at school. We had so much in common she was sure we would be best friends. I still haven't figured out what she thought we had in common.

I had a new baby girl. She was my first. I needed time and space and naps. I needed privacy. All of you maternal types know what I'm talking about. The apartment was a wreck. I kept the shades drawn because half the time I was only half dressed. I needed time to find my groove. The last thing I needed was outsiders being intrusive.

Cheryl was at my door incessantly and stalker like, for no apparent reason. If you politely said hello in passing you were held hostage for the next hour. Mr. Weasel had no patience for her(after months of this). He usually was very impolite to her and said things to her that would make the average person never speak to you again, but they didn't offend or deter her in the least. I tried to remain polite, but cool. If we had to live in such proximity I wanted it peaceful.

So one very cold winter's night Mr. W and I cuddled up to watch TV under a blanket. Between shows Mr. W was going to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes so we could bundle up and hit the back porch. He pulled on a pair of jeans over the shorts that he was wearing*grabbed a heavy coat and headed out.

No sooner did he leave than Cheryl was knocking on the door. "Can I bum a cigarette?" was a regular mantra of hers. "Sorry, I'm all out. Mr. W had to go to the store, can't help ya". " That's okay, I'll wait till he gets back"(You so can't even make these people up, and they too have the right to vote- That's your October Scare). I stay in the doorway, so that she doesn't mistake an invite in and soon enough Mr. W comes back and immediately gives me 'the eye'. I move as to let him in and Cheryl takes the opportunity to follow behind him to continue chatting. Mr. W hands her 2 cigarettes in hopes of sending a message and she continues to chat.

Finally he had enough, and much to my laughter and entertainment, he thought of the perfect offense to get this person to actually leave. He announced that he was getting back to 'our show' and started stripping his jeans off in the living room. Cheryl started to freak and went running for the door, where she had trouble opening it because she was in such a state of panic.

I closed the door behind her and we both fell over ourselves laughing. It was the fastest exit we have ever seen from anyone. The other neighbors were happy to finally know the secret of how to get rid of her. After that night she never came around when Mr. Weasel was home and kept her distance more with me. And they all lived happily ever after......

*important fact to remember

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15 comments:

Tom said...

Thank God that Cheryl felt that way about it, and didn't pull up a chair and offer to make popcorn while she watched. Creepy.

Chris H said...

AS Tom said, lucky she wasn't into watching your 'show'!

Mike said...

I agree, that could have turned out as a strip show that your husband would have had to "shake it" for her. Then you would have never got rid of her...

Melisa said...

I love a husband who knows how to clear the area.

On one hand I say, poor woman: must be lonely. On the other? I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT!!!! Ugh.

Weaselmomma said...

Lucky it ended the way it did. If Mr. Weasel had started shaking the money maker for her, I would have been the one to run for the door.
I felt bad for her as 'poor lonely woman' when we moved in, but soon that changed to 'blood sucking leech'.

terri said...

I HAVE a neighbor like that!

Ok, she's not quite as bad as that. She does work sometimes, and she bums beer instead of cigarettes and just walks in without knocking on the door. Most of the time she seems pretty harmless, but the next time she's bugging me, I'll just ask Mark to start disrobing.

Michelle said...

That was a risk. Can you imagine what would have happened had she wanted to join in the show? Creepy stupid people!

nukedad said...

EWWW! What movie was playing, Single White Female?

Chuck said...

Well told. Funny, I think I lost my first wife under similar circumstances (stripping in the living room).

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why! said...

I have a neighbor like that. Have to remember that trick!

Debbie said...

I have known people like that and they drive me crazy. Good for your hubby!

texasholly said...

OMG. That is super funny. What a smart man you married.

THANKS FOR LINKING TODAY!

Tara R. said...

Sometimes you just have to hit these people over the head with a warm pair of jeans. Way to Go Mr. W!

Bad Momma said...

I had a male neighbor like that, when I was single and lived in a 3 story apartment building.

He would pounce as soon as I opened the main door to the building. I had to take to wearing disguises and running up 3 flights of stairs to avoid him. This really sucked when I had an armload of groceries, although I was able to hide my face behind the bags.
It was a happy day when he moved out.

The Microblogologist said...

I am so glad the neighbors in my building are nice or scared of me. When I first moved in I tried introducing myself to one of the upstairs neighbors. I said hi and told her I was her new neighbor, she replied that it was nice to meet me in not too bad English (all my neighbors are international students) and then ran up the stairs as I said, "my name is... Karen." Haha.

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