Friday, April 24, 2009

And In This Corner....

The other night, just as I a had put the youngest Weasels to bed and started contemplating settling in myself, the phone rings. It's Mr. Weasel. He's on his way home with Eldest, who after completing her track meet wants to go swimsuit shopping. He asks that I put on shoes and grab Middle Weasel and he will pick us up in 3 minutes time.

I can't tell you the thoughts that went through my head. Really. I can't tell you. They were swirling violently in a funnel cloud of dread and anger and fatigue.

I have been strategically avoiding this shopping trip over the past month or so. I know that no good will come of it. I know that it will only cause anger and tears. I know they may wind up coming from me. Going shopping for any form of attire for a teen and a tween is an exercise in patience. Going swimsuit shopping with them is sheer torture. There will be no agreement. There will be no middle ground or compromise options. There will only be that throbbing vein in your temple and arguing.

In order to help fortify my position of what is appropriate for my daughters to wear at the pool, Mr. Weasel came along to share in the joy. He has never in 15 years of parenthood been a part of this yearly ritual. It has always been my job. However, the older the girls get, the more interest he has vested in it.

So we head out and hit the swimsuit departments, in girls and juniors. Both of these lovely daughters have had there hearts set on little 2 piece numbers. This is where the pain begins, for most of those are a bit too revealing. Yet, they each try a few on. I insisted that they must model each suit that they try on for Mr. Weasel. This way I can stand back and be a spectator to the knock down drag out that is about to ensue.

Yeah, I set the Mr. up. He did not realize how big the blast would be from the landmine he just stepped on. I had taken cover, and not even yelled 'fire in the hole'. Eldest came out of the dressing room, wearing what we had hoped would a medium coverage bikini. It wasn't. She loved it because she looked like she could pose for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition. Mr. Weasel, on the other hand started to feel chest pain that shot down his left arm. Ding, Ding, Round 1! I wanted to have Middle Weasel model her choices around the dressing room holding the sign that marks the round #.

Round 2, Mr. Weasel heads back toward the racks and makes a few choices for Eldest to try on. I believe he headed for the Seniors department. He came back with a few tents that would alleviate any need for sun screen. Eldest was not amused.

Meanwhile, after having her first 3 options vetoed, I take Middle Weasel back to the girls department for some alternate selections. Mostly I did this to get further away from the ground zero dressing room. While there, I quickly make a few selections for her to try next and pick up 2 sure winners for the younger girls at home.

Eldest and Mr. W are in the middle of round 4 when we return. It was now getting reminiscent of Apollo Creed and Rocky Balboa's first meeting in the ring. I had to step in and call the fight. There was anger, frustration and tears. Mostly the Mr.'s. We made our purchases for Middle Weasel and the younger Weasels and gave up for the evening.

All in all, we accomplished 75% of what we had set out to do. Mr. W managed to not need medical intervention, and had a brand new experience in fatherhood. Middle Weasel wound up pleased with her new suit. Eldest lived to fight another day and I enjoyed having had a ring side seat. Next time I'm bringing popcorn.

Happy Fatherhood Friday.Fatherhood Friday at Dad Blogs

Stumble Upon Toolbar

28 comments:

Charlie on the PA Turnpike said...

As a dad of 2 boys, I am happy to report that's an event I won't have to worry about.

Sue said...

Oh I can see that whole thing taking place. I won't let my 10 and 12 yr olds have "triangle top" bikinis. Oh they try so hard. Someday I will have to give in,but hopefully I can stand hard until they are 30. LOL! I think I may have to set my husband up for that one too!

Jason said...

I echo Charlie, thank God I have boys...

Melisa with one S said...

Hilarious as usual! Wish I could have been a fly on the wall...

Andrew's Daddies said...

thank god, I have a son!!
I don't think I would be very good at this or at least without war wounds.

Very funny post WM

PJ Mullen said...

Ditto on the comments made by my other son sporting brethren. I am, however, forwarding your post to my friend who has daughters. I do not envy him in that regard.

Lauren said...

Thanks for the flash into the future. We have two girls, 5 and 3. I imagine this will be us in a few years. Maybe I'll just suggest this be a daddy & daughter outing so I can just stay home and eat popcorn by myself. (and maybe cook a gourmet meal to make it up to him?)

Tom said...

Mr. Weasel has my deepest sympathies. I understand this pain, and am sporting the grey hairs to prove it.

WeaselMomma said...

@ Charlie, Jason, Andrew and PJ ~ Count yur blessings, you'll have enough challenges to contend with.

@ Melisa ~ It was priceless to stand back and watch!

@ Tom ~ I'm sure you do. This was no fun for him, but something I've had a few years dealing with. I'm glad he got to be the heavy.

New Dad Blog said...

Oh man, I am dreading the day I have to partake in this ritual. I can how it's going to happen too; my wife will come home with bathing suits and I will say they are too revealing, so she will make me go from then on.

WeaselMomma said...

@ Sue ~ It only turns into a bigger struggle. Especially when they start looking a bit too good in that suit. She's only 15 (next month).

WeaselMomma said...

@ New Dad ~ I think I would really like your wife.

Joel said...

It's okay if Dad jumps on the hand grenade for the good of the family. It's not polite, though, to throw him on it.

Shame.

surprised mom said...

Ok, even though I'm the mom of two girls and have done the bathing suit thing, this is funny! Of course, there are no two pieces in my girls lives, it's all one piece suits. I really don't want the hassle of returning two pieces and the girls don't want the hassle of their father's anger. It all works out in the end. I hope Mr. Weasel made himself a stiff drink when he got home. And you are a very smart WeaselMomma for being the observer and referee.

Otter Thomas said...

Just another reason why all men are terrified of having girls. If we ever have one she can swim in coveralls.

john said...

there is a reason why we adopted two boys. And you named number 1. I would not let her out of the house until she is 21.

Not up for discussion.

Laura said...

Love it!! I'm ready for figts any day now...oldest being eight! She LOVES her spaghetti strapped tank top & halter top, but both offer appropriate coverage...I don't even mind a 2-piece bathing suit (for now) as long as it's still modest. I also know that hubby will NEVER want to shop this minefield, & will offer me his full support, if not bring home full-body wetsuits as our girls grow older! I just can't wait for adolescence...

seashore subjects said...

I don't envy your trip. here we own 3-4 suits at all times - a necessary evil.

Super Mega Dad said...

OH MAN! I didn't think about this when my sweet little angel gets older. I was having mini-strokes thinking about having to pick out bras and other womanly stuff for her, but now I think I might need medical attention. Arghhhh!!

de-I said...

Reminds of this time my eldest who at the time was a sophomore went to a school dance in an outfit that I swear she spray painted on. She we was smart. Her date was already there and she was practically out the door before I even knew what was going on.

Bella Daddy said...

Great, yet another passage of womanbhood we have to look forawrd to...ARRRGH!

Love the post...glad you survived ;-)

Craig said...

Very disturbing. I have a 6 year old girl, 11 and 8 year old boy...did the girls try on any full body suits like the good ole' days.

Busy-Dad-E said...

I really enjoyed reading this post--too funny! Especially because we only have boys right now. If we have a girl, I reserve the right to edit this comment. Poor Mr. W. We men-folk walk into these death traps too easily. Thanks for your comments on my FF post, to which I've replied. Have a good weekend!

Out-Numbered said...

I'm sorry. I just had to tell you that every time I come to your blog I get the best laugh from that picture up to of the Weasels at the table. It's classic. Who did the art?

Mrs4444 said...

Thankfully, Kendall prefers modest bikinis, but it's still always a big struggle, because it's hard to fit modest/bikini/and 34 C's in the same suit.

The Microblogologist said...

When I got my first bikini my mom poked my boob to illustrate its lack of modesty, after that I think I always had Daddy take me! The funny thing was I got the first bikini (we figured out how to adjust it for full top coverage and got it) I was too modest to wear it to wear it in front of my peers so wore a shirt over it at all times! You have seen my current version of a "two piece", bet Mr. W would LOVE for Eldest to adopt my "style", hehehe!

Oscar said...

I went through this with my daughters. I was very 'conservative" in the beginning. Owning a pool, my daughters had thier friends over. Many times I was almost ashamed to go outside past them. My daughter was...in a bikini. A REGULAR bikini. Thier friends... Well I don't think their parents cared or didn't know. I know the mailman would always walk closer to the fence in the summer. I finally let go and they bought what they wanted. All in all they did ok. To a father a habit suits well, but in reality - wht they like usually works out in the long run. I need to remember to write a post about thier bikinis and dance routines in the back yard.

Mr Weasel - just look away.... LOL

Michelle said...

Oh this is not boding well for my future. Fortunately at this rate, it will be September before we actually have need of a swimsuit. By which time fall will have arrived.

Related Posts with Thumbnails