Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Getting Back Out There

Yesterday, this article was brought to my attention via NukeDad, a la Twitter. It outlines an interview with Ryan O'Neal where he admits the he made a pass at his own daughter (Tatum O'Neal) "You have a drink on you? You have a car?’ She said ‘Daddy, it’s me – Tatum!’", while at the funeral of Farrah Fawcett, his long time lover/common law wife.

There is so much wrong with this scenario on so many levels, but instead of discussing or psychoanalyzing what kind of man would do this at his supposed soul mate's funeral, NukeDad and myself, later joined by PJ Mullen and Mrs4444 can up with a thread equally as twisted to make fun of just what kind of an idiot would do such a thing.

Using the hashtag #FuneralPickupLinesForIdiots we came up with these twisted gems: *

  • All this crying is thirsty work; what do you say we go get a drink?
  • I went with the mahogany, that's how I treat my women. Do you like mahogany?
  • If you were a tear I'd never cry for fear of losing you.
  • They call me Milk, cuz I do a body good.
  • I just feel really vulnerable; I don't think I should be alone right now.
  • My bed feels way too empty now when I sleep alone.
  • I don't have any plans tonight and the day off work tomorrow, you?
  • So, the insurance company paid out all in ones, wanna see?
  • We should totally grab dinner, it's what she would have wanted.
  • You must be tired. You've been running through my mind all funeral long.
  • Why, yes, I was named the sole heir.
  • What's a nice girl like you doing working in a formaldehyde smelling place like this?
  • So, how about we have some fun spending that insurance money.
  • You shouldn't be alone at a time like this, how 'bout I pick you up around 8?
  • It's so hard to find a date for these things.
  • Just so happens, I'm free tonight.
  • Your name must be Visa, because you're everywhere I want to be.
  • Do you have any band-aids? I skinned my knees falling for you.
  • Would you like a Gin and Platonic, or a Scotch and Sofa?
*I have not attributed individual tweets in order to protect the guilty.
**If this made you chuckle, not only are you a sick puppy, but you can follow us on Twitter.

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31 comments:

The Devoted Dad said...

ROTFLMAO. It might have been inappropriate if you were at a funeral tweeting these yesterday, but, any other place would have been hil-ar-i-ous. I especially liked the mahogoney one- cause thats how I role! I only wish I was tweeting yesterday to have joined in! -Jason

Melisa with one S said...

Totally hilarious. I missed being a part of that conversation by about 15 minutes, I think. SHOOT!

Bad Momma said...

I saw that story last night. You guys are twisted & sick. That's why you're my blog friend!

I see a book in your future... "Pick Up Lines for Dummies"

WeaselMomma said...

@ Devoted ~ Mahogany was my personal favorite too.

@ Melisa ~ We were cracking our own selves up and a few others too.

@ Bad Momma ~ How did I know you would appreciate this kind of twisted humor?

Tyler - Building Camelot said...

Someone needs to make a movie out of this - It would make for one hilarious plot. I saw PJ tweeting about this yesterday so thank you for putting them all in one spot.

PJ Mullen said...

This is awesome. Very cool of you to put it all together in a post. Very twisted indeed.

Melissa said...

Holy cow! The next funeral I attend I'm so bringing this list with me...I'll be in the corner giggling.

WeaselMomma said...

@ Tyler ~ We were having a great time on twitter and this needed to be saved for posterity.

@ PJ ~ From twisted minds come.....

@ Melissa ~ Just don't get busted with the cheat sheet.

Mrs4444 said...

You missed one of my favorites:

"Aunt Edna may be dead, but you're dead-sexy. Wanna go for a drink?"

That was fun!

Tom said...

The article goes on to say that he was "just trying to be funny." I doubt it. Tatum then later said "that's our relationship in a nutshell." I have no words.

I would have joined in the fray yesterday on twitter... but after three or four of these lines passed, I knew I was not fit to compete. Bravo to all of you!

Loukia said...

OMG, is this story for real? What a freak of a man! WTF?

Your take... hilarious!!! Thanks for the laugh!

NukeDad said...

This was too much fun. I had fun with my other hashtag yesterday; #alecryanparentingtips, brought on by Ryan O'Neal hitting on his own daughter at his wife's funeral (which spawned your brilliant funeral pick up lines hash) and Alec Baldwins phone etiquette with his daughter. Fun. We'll get Hasselhoff involved too.

melissa said...

i miss all the fun. not of having ryan o'neil pick me up. these little parties. i'm always missing them.
yet somehow, i might be a tad embarrassed to call you people my friends :)
xoxo

seashore subjects said...

With pick-up lines like those, it is a good thing you are all spoken for - the competition wouldn't know what hit them ;)

whatnowdad said...

Too funny, very sick and just what ya need to pick up your day. Nice work WM!

Janie Woods said...

FOMCLMAO!! You are so sick, I love it! I'm sorry I missed the conversation yesterday. To make up for it, how about this:

Well, she's laid to rest. How about we get laid then rest?

Cheffie-Mom said...

Yesterday when I heard this I was totally erked!! "Hey Ryan, I'm giving away free nose jobs - see my fist!"

OhCaptain said...

Those were hilarious! I tried to join in but I was either totally unfunny or ya'all miss me. No worries, I enjoyed watching you guys get them out there :)

Captain Dumbass said...

So wrong but so funny.

Michelle said...

Oh and to think I missed out on the contributions... I'm definitely a sick puppy.

terri said...

OMG.... So funny!

Joanie M said...

Oh that is so wrong and so funny!!! By the way, Vodka Mom sent me. She knows good stuff when she sees it. :)

surprised mom said...

OH God I needed a laugh. Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is truly twisted, but so hilarious! I'm sorry I missed all of you on twitter.
I'll catch up soon!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I am indeed a sick puppy, and that is FUNNY. The second one is my favorite.

de-I said...

I think I'm on the sick side as well but I particularly like the last one.

WeaselMomma said...

@ Mrs4444 ~ Yeah, I didn't get them all marked. There are a handful of beauties that I missed.

@ Tom ~ He definitely has earned the *Father* of the year award.

@ Loukia ~ Yeah, unfortunately, this is a real story.

@ NukeDad ~ We have to run with those other hashtags, we were on a roll.

@ Melissa ~ Most people are reluctant to publicly admit our friendship, but you all secretly laugh.

@ Seashore ~ I'm just here to help all those singles out.

@ What Now ~ Glad to be of assistance.

@ Janie ~ That is just cheesy enough to make the cut.

@ Cheffie ~ He is truly just a wart on the human race.

@ Captain ~ I am sorry I missed your tweets. They were flying fast.

@ Captain Dumbass ~ You got it! Glad you got a laugh.

@ Michelle ~ I am sure you have have great contributions.

@ Terri ~ It's good to know there are others out there as demented as we are.

@ Joanie ~ Thanks for coming and following. VodkaMom is a gem.

@ Surprised ~ I am happy to know there is a smile on your face again.

@ DysFunctional ~ That was my personal fave too.

@ de_I ~ I knew you'd be on board. That last one is classic.

The Microblogologist said...

I definitely had fun reading these while cramming for my exam yesterday! =)

Otter Thomas said...

Outstanding! I liked the first two best althought there were a lot of laughers.

Father Muskrat said...

Y'all are twisted. But funny.

The Nice One said...

Oh my goodness, hose are some fantastical suggestions!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I agree. Sex, humor and alcohol are sorely missing from funerals. You might actually have a start-up business on your hands, here.

Hey, it was great to meet you at Blogher.

Cheers, Meg

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