Monday, January 25, 2010

The Five Seasons

Most people usually break the year up into four seasons, namely Spring, Winter, Summer and Fall (or Autumn, if you like). Some in the great white north will joke about there only being 2 seasons; Winter and Construction.

I however contend that in this part of the country, we experience five, count 'em, five seasons. Consisting of Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter and Mean. What? You have never heard of Mean? Oh, you just never thought of it as a season. Well it is.

Mean is a season within a season. Mean begins in late January, reaches it height of strength by late February and continues while mixing with heavy amounts of frustration through March and usually into April until there is any sign of old man winter actually leaving town and giving way to a little bit of sunlight and warmth that will allow us to be able to leave our homes without consternation.

Mean is caused by months of freezing temperatures, bone chilling wind and constant snow shoveling in those conditions. Factor in cabin fever and being kept in close quarters with others for months on end, with daylight not rearing it's head until after 7am and leaving yet again by 4:30 pm.

*notice I say daylight and not sunlight. There is very limited amounts of sunlight in the winter here. The cloud cover keeps everything a very consistent gray.*

When all these conditions come together they create a season of Mean. This is the season where there is no hope of being given a warning when pulled over for a moving violation, when the bagger at the grocery store is going to pack a 5lb bag of sugar on top of your loaf of bread and make your eggs only worthy of scrambling. During mean, teachers will not be generous with extra credit or grading curves and you should certainly avoid the DMV at all costs.

There is only way out of the season of mean and that is through warmth and sunshine. This is the perfect time to take a vacation, if only pesky things like work, school and money weren't standing in your way.

All of you living below the Mason/Dixon may laugh at or get annoyed by 'snow birds' invading your towns during these months, but keep in mind that they are actually just refugees fleeing the ravages of Mean. They are the lucky ones that have found a way out of the tumultuous conditions that befall the north each and every year and don't forget the rest of us who are unable to escape from the turmoil and misery that is Mean.

If you would like to help with relief services to alleviate the suffering of seven many you can donate to me via the "Get Me The Heck Outta Here Fund" @ weaselmomma@yahoo.com

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14 comments:

Melisa with one S said...

I know! This winter with all its grayness has totally done me in this year. I miss being able to drive with my windows open.

Tara R. said...

Being one of those people below the M/D line, I believe some of the northern snowbirds bring Mean with them. The Florida temps do nothing to melt their cold, cold hearts.

You and the other Weasels however, would always be welcome here. I'll even save a spot on the beach for you.

Heather said...

I'd say you could come here but... *smirks* it's definitely mean around here too. Although this week + next week is a reprieve from mean cause it's my WEDDING WEEK! :)

Tom said...

Would love to help... but we've got our own great greyness going on here. Though our seasons are tempered by proximity to a large body of water, we're actually farther North here and have farther to travel to escape the mean. Texas is pretty big. Maybe we should all head there.

Sue said...

I know that season, we have it here too. If you get extra in your relief fun, feel free to send the rest to me!

PJ Mullen said...

Down here south of the Mason Dixon we have a fifth season too. Unfortunately, it's called stupidity and it starts in early January and runs through the next January. I totally sound like one of the old guys from the Muppets :)

WhiteBullie said...

Bot do I know what you mean!

Michelle said...

This is why I'd been (obviously not tonight) going to bed at 6:30pm lately.

Oh, and apparently why my husband is so irritated at the parent who deigned to email asking what her son could do to get his grade up to a B-.

The Gman said...

you nailed it! mean season sucks! then in late march when on a day the sun comes out and the temps get above 48, all the people come out and roll around in the sun and try and shake of the mean. sort of like a saint bernard does when it get out of the pool.

whatnowdad said...

We hate the mean season at our house! I really do enjoy the snow, cold and everything else that comes with winter during the holidays, but after the middle of January I am dying for sun, warmth and light. These grey, cold, dreary days suck the life out of me. The wine industry loves our family this time of year!

Otter Thomas said...

A lot of people from the Chicago area retire in my hometown. There is an entire gated community called Hot Springs Village that is made up of all retired northerners and many Chicagoans. My neighborhood is nicknamed little Chicago for people living there in the past. Just saying you might feel more at home here than you know.

terri said...

You hit the nail on the head. Mean is the perfect description for this time of year. In fact, it always feels like Mean rears it's ugly head the worst on my days off work. I can't wait for spring.

de-I said...

I fear to say anything living in a land where the sunshine days are 75%+ of the total.

nycgirl0501 said...

LOVE this! We are definitely in Mean right now. This explains a LOT! I have a big dislike for winter can't wait for some sunlight!

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