My Home Is My Work Place

It's FatherHood Friday at Dad Blogs, so click over there (when you are done here) to read some thoughts on everything parenthood related. Today's theme: Moms.

We have all heard yammering over the years about Stay At Home Mom and all that hats they wear, salary equivalents yada, yada, yada. Basically, if the company you work for isn't making money, you're not getting paid. In the case of the SAHM, you aren't getting laid-off either.

For the most part, I see myself as a manager......of a funny farm. It is my job to make sure everyone is where they need to be when and with whatever materials they need. It is my job to supervise the tasks my individual charges are working on and making sure they are meeting their deadlines. I need to make sure that the workplace runs smoothly and is not a hostile environment for anyone except me. I make sure my reports have all the materials they need, from art supplies to food and clean clothing, to be successful in all of their endeavors.

Anyone who works in office can make sense of this analogy and think to themselves "Yup, that's what so many of us deal with everyday".

The difference is, my immediate charges are Weasels. Wild Monkeys are easier to train. They come to me with a blank resume and expect a top salary from day 1, plus benefits -health and fringe alike.

Luckily, I have Mr. Weasel as my right hand man and I can delegate authority. "You'll have to ask Dad" has become a favorite catch all. He is also my main man when it comes to "I need you to deal with 'X', because my eye is twitching".

They are a human resources nightmare. They do not adhere to any standard of professional decorum, no matter how lax the work environment. There is constant harassment of others in the workspace. Unprofessional behavior such as throwing oneself on the floor and flailing limbs is not unheard of sometimes it's even me. Project slacking is an epidemic when it comes to chores. Sometimes the hammer needs to come down.

The problem is that it is a velvet hammer. I can take away fringe benefits, but beyond that am fairly impotent in my arsenal of repercussions for non-compliant and/or under performing charges. I can't fire them and they know that. It gives them an upper hand. I can't decrease their compensation packages, only make their least favorite dinner. It's all similar to belonging to the most powerful union ever known to man, with tenure.

There is paperwork to rival any fortune 500 company - the bane of my existence and most of it gets dropped on the kitchen counter my desk at the last minute.

Much like a pharmaceutical or oil exploration company, there are countless years of work and financing before we ever will see a return on our investments. By the time that comes to it fullness, they will be gone from my charge and ready to take on charges of their own. This will also most likely cost me major financial investment.

All in all, this company will never put itself in the black financially. I will never garnish a comfortable salary from it, but I will have the hugs, kisses, love and hopefully someday the appreciation of all the efforts I put in to make it solvent and marketable.

Until then, I will enjoy the fringe benefits they stipend me with. Although, a golden Parachute in my golden years would be nice.