Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Soup

We are some very picky eaters around here. And by we, I mean Monkey Weasel, Smallest Weasel and I. There are some things we just won't can't eat. I don't mean that in a, "I don't like that, I want something else" spoiled kind of way. I mean a "I am perfectly content to go hungry, can't get that over my gums" kind of way. The rule of "When they get hungry enough, they'll eat it" does not apply here. If stranded on an island with nothing but bugs to eat, we would starve to death. We would beg to vote ourselves off Survivor. It's not that we won't try new things, it's that some foods will make us gag at the mere thought of them. Mr. Weasel on the other hand is a human garbage disposal. I'm not certain he has ever found a food that he would refuse to eat. He is unable to push past hunger pains. Eldest Weasel and Boy Weasel can eat just about anything that is placed in front of them. Although Boy Weasel will keep his portion small.

Keeping that in mind, Mr. Weasel decided to dabble in the kitchen yesterday and make a new Potato Cheese Soup recipe for a cheap and yummy dinner. He ran the recipe past me for inspection. I found nothing offensive (carrots, leeks, potato, beef stock, cheese) and thought it sounded kind of good. We could serve it with french bread and have a lovely meal. Or so I thought.

The aroma was wonderful as it simmered away stove top. Mr. Weasel had everything firmly under control, including a 'new to him' technique of using a hand blender to puree things up a bit. Soon he rang the dinner bell and proudly presented us with his culinary piece de resistance.

There were *crickets*.
Then came *snickers*.
And polite smiles, while holding back belly laughs.
Mr. Weasel looked distressed and unamused.
The rest of us held it together as much as we could as I said grace and concluded with "And thank you God for Mr. Weasel and this soup for us to enjoy". Spontaneous laughter and hilarity ensued. Mr. Weasel didn't laugh.

We tried to be good. We tried to be gracious. We tried to eat it. None of these efforts worked. We were silently jealous of Monkey Weasel who was eating dinner at a friends house. Spoons were swirled around bowls and tentative tastes were taken. The aesthetics of the soup made me think of the last time I needed Immodium. I reached for the bread. I hoped that it would help to get some soup down. I couldn't look at it as I tasted it, it would have never gone in. I sipped it off the spoon into the side of my mouth. The texture was exactly what I had expected. I forced my self to swallow and reached for more bread. Boy Weasel asked me "does the bread really help or are you just stalling?". More laughter. Everyone, sans Mr. Weasel, reached for bread.

Mr. Weasel asked us to save some bread for Monkey Weasel (the pickiest eater of them all). Because she would want to try his soup when she comes home. Riotous laugher broke out. Spontaneous, uncontrollable giggling. It was like the best joke ever told. He should go into stand-up. Only he thought he was being serious. We tried to be good again.

Eldest tried to bribe Smallest Weasel with "Take a few bites and I will give you a piece of gum after dinner". Smallest Weasel opened wide and Eldest fed her a spoonful of Dad's delicacy. She swallowed, made a face and immediately started up-chucking at the table. More laughter as we check to see if she's okay. Mr. Weasel is now angry and deflated and no one else can keep a straight face. Thanks to Smallest's stomache's immediate ejection of dinner, all others were excused from the table. Eldest Weasel found the turn of events so amusing she was put in charge of cleaning up. She became entirely grossed out and refused to clean up the vomit on the table, until I informed her that "the vomit all hit the floor, that's spilled soup on the table". More laughter ensued. In her defense, the similarities were astounding.

And that is why tonight I am making meatball sandwiches.

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30 comments:

Laura said...

Ahhh...the joys of family dinners!! I remember my mom forcing me to eat pickled beets at dinner once...never again! That was the only food I couldn't (literally) stomach, but I avoided the meatloaf long enough one night that it was all gone before I got a serving...so I had to sit at the table all night w/ my "substitute" peanut butter sandwich, which I couldn't stomach (not so bad as the beets, but still) because she had put BUTTER on the bread first!!! Nastiness. I ended up going to bed hungry, but that was fine. Hubby here is a garbage disposal, too, but none of the kids, so we do the best we can! Sorry this turned into my own mini-post! Sorry about the soup!! Enjoy your meatball sandwiches...that's a whole other "comment" for me sometime!!
:)

Tom said...

...and that is why Mr Weasel will not ever make dinner again. You're all so mean! It inspires me to write about the time I made my own special chicken recipe for the family, and the kind of reaction I got. Poor guy. Tell him I will buy him a beer whenever we make it out that way.

Kim said...

OMG this just totally cracked me up!! How funny, but your poor hubby. He tried!!

nonna said...

now, i'm no chef, but i think you are supposed to actually recognize the potatos and carrots and such. i'm thinking he got that recipe from eithe a baby food company or possibly a post-jaw-wired surgery consisting of only liquid diets.

yuck!!! looks like baby who loves green beans poop! lol

The Microblogologist said...

When Daddy was in charge of feeding us we usually got scrambled eggs, lol.

Melisa with one S said...

Maybe if he had put the soup in a cream-colored or white bowl?
:)

I'm with Tom; I feel a little sorry for him...

Weaselmomma said...

@ Laura ~ I do have my standards and this soup crossed the line. In Mr. W's defense, I think the only problem was that he went a little crazy with the blender.

@ Tom ~ I'm sure he will take yu up on that.

@ Kim ~ He definitely tried, better luck next time.

@ Nonna ~ Those were some of the visuals going through my head too!

@ Micro ~ Mr. Weasel should stick to the grill. There he's a genius!

Weaselmomma said...

@ Melisa ~ I agree with you and Tom. I feel sorry for him too. The color of the bowl wouldn't have changed anything though. If You like I can bring you leftovers tomorrow.

Momo Fali said...

Aw! I feel sorry for Mr. Weasel! Nobody likes my cooking either. (But, in all honesty it doesn't look very appetizing!)

Melisa with one S said...

Oh great, now you've backed me into a corner.

Bring on the leftovers! (in a neutral-colored container, thanks.)

terri said...

Oh, poor Mr. Weasel. I feel kinda sorry for him. Having someone vomit the dinner he so lovingly prepared must have been a crushing blow.

*snort* ooops... I mean... You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

*giggle* I mean... he worked REALLY hard.

BWAHAHAHAHA... Oh, tell Mr. Weasel I'm sorry for laughing. It's really NOT funny. LOLOLOLOL......

Michelle said...

Bummer! I love potato cheese soup. But ummm mine has NEVER looked like that. Was it the leeks?

Good to know I'm not the only one with a child who will immediately vomit a texture that doesn't work with him. And that's why I'm going to a sensory meeting on Thursday! :)

I'm with you on certain things though... Fritos being among them ;) (And mushrooms, and meat and cheese being mixed together except for tacos and cheeseburgers, etc etc).

Let me know if Mister Weasel wants my non-green potato cheese soup recipe!

OhCaptain said...

Sorry to hear about Mr. Weasel's failure in the kitchen. I love to cook and thankfully have never had this happen to me.

NukeDad said...

I'm glad you dropped the Immodium comment before I did. In his defense, poor Mr. Weasel did try his best. I'm sure he'll get over it; in 1 or 2 years. Poor man.

Oh, to top it off? Right when I saw the first picture of the soup? My dog farted. It was like smell-o-vision. Ugh.

Weaselmomma said...

@ Momo ~ He is a sympathetic character.

@ Melisa ~ I am so bring you leftovers and then you have to post about it.

@ Terri ~ I honestly believe that Mother Theresa herself would not have been able to hold back the giggles.

@ Michelle ~ It was definitely the leeks being blended. Send on the recipe.

@ Captain ~ He really tried so hard but this isn't Kindergarten.

@ NukeDad ~ Ewww, talk about bad timing on the dogs part. It actually smelled very good. It was all in the presentation.

McMommy said...

Um...I'm not even sure what to write. Because it looks kind of like what you might find in Carter's diaper on a sick day.

Sorry, Mr. Weasel but it's true. However, you get an A++ for effort!!

janed21 said...

I made Baked Potato Soup last night. YUMMY! If you like, I can send you the recipe... it does not require a blender or a mixer(although The Boy tried to convince me that it would help. It's yummy and delious.

My dad usually made Liver and Onions when he cooked... we all skipped those meals, but my youngest sister is all about it. Ick!

Oscar said...

What... it just needed more salt!

I keep a number of spoons around and taste as I go along. Even when i Do do (did I say do do?) a recipe I know.

Poor guy. Maybe the mice will like it.

Mike said...

For one who has spent way too much time in front of the Food Network channel, the one thing I've learned is "Presentation."

That was not a good presentation.

Mama Smurf said...

I'm not sure why I'm finding this so darn funny but I'm in tears here. You lost me at "There were *crickets*". Maybe because I can SO relate.

Thanks for the laugh.

de-I said...

Mr. Weasel I feel your pain. I remember many a meal that my wife and kids vilified.

Father Muskrat said...

Nastiness.

Sabrae Carter said...

lol! picky eaters!

Kat said...

LOL the aesthetics of the soup in these pictures leave a lot to be desired but "The aesthetics of the soup made me think of the last time I needed Immodium." made me scream with laughter.

Sarah Clapp said...

That is too funny! My Nana made knee-cap soup once. She said the knee bone added flavor. She was a depression era baby.

Anonymous said...

The Suburban Scrawl linked me to your blog and this IS THE FUNNIEST thing I have read in a long time!

Your friend in Weather,
Weather Kim IN dc and on tv

Mrs4444 said...

Poor daddy....

seashore subjects said...

Poor daddyweasel! But there is no way I could get that down either - looked an awful lot like pea soup - yuck!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Just watched Melisa's video, and while I'm sure it is delicious soup, I can only think of what spewed from the mouth of the Exorcist as her head spun in the movie. Sorry Mr. Weasel.

Karen said...

Did it really taste bad or did it just look bad?

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