Waking up as early as I do, I often find myself flipping through the channels while waiting for the morning news to start. Most of the offerings in this time slot are infomercials. I must say that many of them entertain me. I don't understand how this is effective advertising ~ I really have to wonder about some people out there ~ but I do find them humorous. They really are insulting to the intelligence of anyone capable of tying their own shoes.
One of my favorites is for the Heat Surge Roll-n-Glow Amish fireplace. This is advertised as a flameless fireplace that plugs in(Electric, Amish, Irony) and is room to room portable. An authentic piece of Amish handmade furniture. It gets even better, through the course of the program they are filming (through a soul sucking, against their religion TV camera) the Amish craftsman in the workshop. They are complete with Amish garb (store bought and brand spanking new) and fake beards. The Amish themselves have placed a strict limit of 2 per household on this 'not sold in stores' special offer. Wow, who is actually falling for any of this.
Another that makes me laugh is one in which they pretend that it is not an infomercial, but in fact a talk show. They strive to emulate the format of The View. Four women sitting on a couch 'grilling' a man sitting in between them about his get rich quick by signing up for my bull*$&% scheme book. The best part is at the end of this faux interview. This is when he wipes his brow and laments about how he was lucky enough to make it through such a tough and grueling interview. It makes me chuckle every time. Who are the people that actually think this is real?
Another relentless loop in the infomercial fabric is the doctor who is being interviewed in the Larry King with Boobs format all about his plan to make your colon the happiest place on earth. His recommended, self developed product will make you healthier, you'll lose weight and you're colon will sparkle and sing! Your pants will fit better and you will finally expel that filet mignon you ate on your anniversary 14 years ago! This always gives me a case of the giggles. He's telling me I'm full of Sh@%! Don't people know that eating bad clams works in the exact same way?
And then of course there's always lots varieties and flavors of "We have the perfect solution for the hair challenged individual". These are always amusing, especially the one that forgoes transplants that don't work and costly serums that you have to use for the rest of life with minimal results, in favor of spray paint! It looks so natural the legally blind won't even notice at 50 yards distance!
The only conclusions I can draw from these middle of the night experiences are that #1, I am easily entertained. #2 Advertisers believe that anyone up during these hours must be a total moron.
C. Bald people are insomniacs and have Spackle filled colons.
Thursday, January 29, 2009