Disaster Response and Red Tape

I wanted to post yesterday, but spent all day holding on the phone instead. You will understand in a minute. Two nights ago, while the NukeFamily enjoyed a night at the ball park, Eldest Weasel hosted a Hollywood Movies themed sleepover party. She somehow had coerced me into letting her invite 7 other 14 year old girls to spend 18 hours in my home. Between you and I, I think she had drugged me.

So starting at about 5 p.m., they started descending on my home like hungry locusts, dressed like they were going to the Oscars. Mr. Weasel made up some burgers and hot dogs on the grill. We pulled out baked beans, chips and all the fixins. They whipped through the food like Tazmanian devils then made a bee-line for the basement where the younger Weasels had been forbidden to pester them. Mr. Weasel and I put the kitchen back in working order and prepared for the 'next wave'.

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sleepover 1

When the gaggle of girls was ready work on the purse decorating craft Eldest had prepared and settle in with movies in the living room, I took the others upstairs to watch Shark Week on the Discovery Channel and have their own sleepover in Mom and Dad's room. All was good, noise level reasonable, no worries.
When I woke up in the morning this is what I saw:

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And this is what had happened in the Kitchen:

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Well the first call I made was to our Home Owners Insurance agent. After reviewing our policy she informed me that we do not have a rider in our policy for this type of damage. Then she suggested that we call FEMA.I called FEMA and after quite some time on hold through the automated system, spoke to a person who told me that the Governor would have to declare a "State of Emergency" before they could help with clean-up.
So, I called the Governor. I remained on hold as he was speaking with legal counsel about his corruption investigation. So I held on the line while he prepared his Grand Jury Testimony. I asked for the "State of Emergency", but he said this did not qualify as an "Act of God". That only a Poltergeist could have caused that kind of damage in such a short time. Then suggested that I call a Catholic Priest/Exorcist.
I Spoke with the Diocese Exorcist. He said that the Church is hesitant to get involved without months of investigation. I told him I can't live like this for months. He told me the next best thing to do was go outside and have a beer. So that's what I did!